From the Pay It Forward Files: Undercover Elves

 Inside a home on Powell Avenue, in the Jacobs neighborhood on Christmas Eve, the stockings were hung ready for Christmas. However, under a small Christmas tree, there were no gifts in sight.

Outside, an undercover operation was going on as several LMPD officers pulled up to the home. 

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SOURCE:  http://www.wdrb.com

HOW TO COOK A THANKSGIVING TURKEY

STEP 1: GO BUY A TURKEY 

STEP 2: TAKE A DRINK OF WHISKEY (SCOTCH) 

STEP 3: PUT TURKEY IN THE OVEN 

STEP 4: TAKE ANOTHER 2 DRINKS OF WHISKEY 

STEP 5: SET THE DEGREE AT 375 OVENS 

STEP 6: TAKE 3 MORE WHISKEYS OF DRINK 

STEP 7: TURN OVEN THE ON 

STEP 8: TAKE 4 WHISKS OF DRINKY 

STEP 9: TURK THE BASTEY 

STEP 10: WHISKEY ANOTHER BOTTLE OF GET 

STEP 11: STICK A TURKEY IN THE THERMOMETER 

STEP 12: GLASS YOURSELF A POUR OF WHISKEY 

STEP 13: BAKE THE WHISKEY FOR HOURS 

STEP 14: TEST THE LURKEY FOR NUMBNESS 

STEP 15: TAKE THE OVEN OUT OF THE LURKEY 

STEP 16: FLOOR THE LURKEY UP OFF OF THE PICK 

STEP 17: TURK THE CARVEY 

STEP 18: GET YOURSELF NUTHER SCOTTLE OF BOTCH 

STEP 19: TET THE SABLE AND POUR YOURSELF A GLASS OF TURKEY 

STEP 20: BLESS THE SAYING, PASS AND EAT OUT=2

Tappy Ganks Hiving!

Stop Holiday Stress In It's Tracks! Shop Early!

And make sure you have your list all ready.  Checked twice!  Of course!

At the top of your list:

 Children of the Luminaries Book One: The Coming Storm! 

Brief Synopsis:

Book One launches the saga of The Oracle and her mentor Demetrius as they begin an adventure of any life time!  Their mission:  To stop the dark lord Dagon  from obtaining the Ultimate Weapon and becoming ruler of all worlds!


Children of the Luminaries Book One: The Coming Storm is a WONDERFUL gift to give to the avid reader in your life.  In fact, anyone that really enjoys a good Fantasy Adventure chock full of mythological creatures, wizards, sorcerers, Knights, swords and a faraway world will love it!

You don't have to leave your house to purchase a copy!  Children of the Luminaries is available in paperback and on KINDLE!

Just Click HERE to be transported to the purchase page!  

Or just click on the Book Cover on the right side of this Blog!

All I Want For Christmass Is Non-Politically Correct Holiday

For those of you who have apparently forgotten, the reason so many of us are opposed to the phrase "Happy Holidays" is because of it's political correctness ties.   The phrase Happy Holidays  was started by politically correct minded individuals who live in constant fear of "offending" non-believers everywhere.  In particular, those who do not celebrate Christmas.

Some believe it’s just a way of putting all of the celebrations that occur around the same time in the same basket.  But that too is a fear of offending someone who doesn’t necessarily celebrate Christmas.  Not to mention it’s just lazy!

Is it so much effort to tell your Jewish friend Happy Hannukkah?   Or your friend who celebrates Kwanzii, Joyous Kwanzii?  Or your pagan friend…Have a Cool Yule?

Ever consider that someone you say Happy Holidays to doesn’t participate in any holiday???   What do you say to them? 

Interesting how the politically corrupt…I mean correct…don’t have a snazzy little catch phrase for that!  Yet.

While taking the time to express any good will is always a great idea, please remember where that little phrase Happy Holidays sprouted from and why!  And too, why so many of us are offended by it.

It's not the words themselves that are offensive, but the knowing of their origins that put us off so much.

I know that some of you will justify yourselves and continue saying it.  Which is fine. The whole point of this little exercise is to help you to remember where it came from and who you are supporting each and every time you do it.

So here's to having a Non-Politically Correct Holiday 2013!

And to Each of you I say…

Happy Hannukkah!

Joyous Kwanzii

A Very Cool Yule To You and Yours!

And…

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

I Believe! (An Open Letter to Santa)

Dearest Santa,

When I was a child, I wasn’t allowed to openly acknowledge you.  I grew up in a home that didn’t believe in you, in Christmas or anything magical.  But I want you to know (though I feel you always did) that I believed.

I believed despite what my mother told me.  And I believed in spite of what my older brothers and sisters said.  I believed.  No matter what the other children said with respect to your existence.  I believed.

Though I was never allowed to say it out loud ... I Believed!

After I became an adult and left home, I was finally free to express my beliefs out in the open.   I still meet with all sorts of nay sayers who shout “There is no Santa!“  

But Santa … I have to tell you … no matter the opposition … there is no greater feeling than being able to say those two little words … I Believe!  And despite, and in spite of, the nay sayers -- I said it!  And I continue to say it!  I BELIEVE!

Santa, I know Jesus wasn’t born on December 25th   … but what does it matter?  I fail to understand why it is such a bad thing to honor the Christ -- if only once a year.    I, and many others like myself,  honor Him each and every day of the year.    But what difference does it make what day Jesus was born if … if …it brings many more to honor him.  If only just for that day?   And Santa, whose to say that one day doesn’t motivate someone to do it more than just on Christmas? I believe it does! 

Santa, I know the Christmas Tree isn’t a Christian thing.  But what does that matter?  It’s beautiful!  And it is a wonderful reminder of so many things.   

For me personally … The lights represent each and every person  who shares their love to others.  These are the People who live by the words Jesus exclaimed “Let your light shine bright among men!” 

The tinsel, are the folks who are not yet ready to let their light shine so bright, but still show love in some way on some level.   And their love is reflected off their shiny faces -- just like the lights reflect off the silvery and gold strips on the tree.

Each ornament reminds us of those we love, have loved,  those we yet to love, and most importantly … those we don’t even know, but love just the same.

The Angel I put at the top of my tree reminds me that our Beloved and most Divine Creators are watching over us--that They have never forgotten us (nor will They Ever!).  It is also a reminder that They have put in position myriads of helpers for us while we are here on Earth.

And Santa … I know you are the icon  of Giving!   But you are so much more … aren’t you?  Yes, you my dear, are the symbol of courage, love, happiness, joy and generosity.    Attributes each of us have -- but rarely express to others … and rarer still … to our selves.    Many have forgotten that it's not you the person, but what you represent that makes you so grand, and why it is so important to never forget!

Santa, I know ... and I believe ... The Magic of Christmas is the one time of year when people get the chance to collectively remember that Love --That generosity --That courage--That Happiness & Joy.    Some do, but then forget the next day.  Some scoff Christmas, saying it is nothing but a scam … so they miss out on the messages yet again.  But Santa, there are those of us who do Believe in the Magic of Christmas!   And we carry it with us through out the year.

I know Santa,  that Christmas is really an ancient custom called Saturnalia.  But I also know that in these modern times, just like in times of old,  we are given on this one day,  the opportunity to see from the "other's point of view."  Christians, Pagans, Buddhists, Jews, Muslims, all the other religions ... and even atheists too.  If only we believe ... we can take that one day and see from another's point of view!  And through this ... learn and grow ... and remember the Love we are.


For these reasons, and so many more,  is why I believe Santa!  This is why I have always believed!  And I promise you, will continue to believe no matter what! 

Santa, I remember Jesus saying to"be like the little children".  I know he was trying to tell us all to see the wonderments and splendors of all creation.   To see through the eyes of a child is to see the world for the very first time.  How truly splendid it is!  How magical it all is!  To be free to  love and be In Joy without inhibitions!   

And I do that myself Santa!   And I know others do as well.   Sadly, the majority of this world have gone from being child-like to childish.  Constantly fighting and quarreling amongst one another.   Santa,  they lost their magic.    They don’t believe -- and now they are miserable. 

Santa, these folks have convinced themselves into thinking that now we're all grown up, we don’t have time to believe or we shouldn't believe because it's just for kids or it's stupid!    They don’t believe in you Santa.  They don’t believe in Jesus. Why some even go as far as saying there are no Divine Creators!  No wonder they're so miserable!  They have nothing to remind them of the Love and the Joy.  So it isn't any mystery why they're so angry all the time!

I know Santa that if they could get back their magic -- become a child again ... they would remember!  They too would believe!  And they would be so much happier!  I Believe this Santa!  I really and truly do!

Santa, I just wanted you to know that me and others are doing our best to help these people remember.   We are doing all we can to remind them of the Love and the Joy that is theirs, every day of the week.   And not just at Christmas time.   Me and all the others out there, we are doing all we know to help these souls to remember that Love takes on all sorts of shapes and forms.  That it comes in many ways, through many people and in different venues. Each and every single day of the year!

That the Spirit of Christmas is 24 hours a day -- 7 Days a Week!  If only They Believe!



But some times, I just get really fed up! They are a stubborn lot -- these unbelievers!

But I promise!  I will not give up!  I will continue my mission to help others remember!  To help them regain their sense of child-like wonder! 

I just wanted you to know Santa -- you, Jesus and our Divine Creators are  not alone nor are you ever forgotten!  And that no matter what …

I Believe!  Yes! I Do!


With much Love …

What Is The True Meaning of Christmas?

As we all know (or least should already know), Christmas is "loosely"  based on the ancient Roman pagan Festival of Saturnalia.  While there are some arguments as to it's true origin, Christmas holds many of the customs of this particular festival.  For instance, the tradition of gift giving, eating, drinking and making merry, the hanging of boughs of holly, the mistletoe and the Christmas tree are all pagan in origin.

We know that Jesus, the Christian savior,  was not born on Christmas day; and the legend of St. Nicholas came much, much  later.  By the same token we know that reindeer are really caribou and that all of Santa's reindeer had to be female because male "reindeer" lose their antlers around this time of year.  Not to mention there have been claims that reindeer can't even fly.  (That's a sarcastic remark by the way folks!)

Setting all that aside, you have to wonder ... what is the true meaning of Christmas?  Why was it even created?

While many of us will agree that Christmas has become overly commercialized; and the naysayers just scoff and say it was all a lie to begin with and it should be done away with altogether; have  you ever really sit and wondered why Christmas was even created?  Why the coupling of both the Christian beliefs and the Pagan traditions?

What if ... just what if ... Christmas was created for one particular purpose?

Can't See the (Christmas) Trees for the Forest

Have you ever really taken in the messages of the many stories and movies that have been relayed to the masses?  What the one common thread was?  Now I want you think about this one for a long hard minute.  What is the one common thing all these stories about Christmas have?

A Christmas Carol, It's A Wonderful Life, Miracle On 34th Street ... even How The Grinch Stole Christmas (to name just a few) ... all have one thing in common.

Besides being a Christmas story, they all invite us to see things from another's point of view. To literally and metaphorically walk in the other person's foot steps.  In some cases, that other person's point of view was the person you had once been.

Part of the celebration of Saturnalia was role reversal.  It was the one day out of the year where the slaves and their masters would change places.  Imagine that!

Now think back to all your favorite Christmas stories/movies.  How did they receive the Christmas spirit?  By changing places (metaphorically speaking) and seeing the world from a totally different point of view.    It was in that moment when they could see through another's "eyes" that the meaning of Christmas  truly came into being.  They begin to understand that person and their beliefs.  Their tiny hearts, hardened by life, began to fill up with all the joy and love that other person exuded and experienced.

The true gift of Christmas isn't anything you can buy.  The best gift you can ever give someone is the two things all we humans desire the most ... understanding and acceptance.

But how can you truly understand someone ... if you never bothered to really see them, hear them and get to know them?  And if you do not understand anything they are about ... how can you truly accept them?

I believe that Christmas was created for the soul purpose of assisting us in coming into this understanding.  That it was brought about through mutual agreement on some level to set aside one day a year where each person can have an opportunity to walk a mile in another's shoes.

It is my belief that in the custom of the ancient Romans, somewhere along the way, both Christians and Pagans alike, came to an agreement.  In their infinite wisdom, they knew that if we were ever to learn how to  live in harmony with one another, we would first need to come into an understanding with one another.  And what better way to do this than combine all beliefs and traditions into one?

Sharing the Spirit of Christmas Through The Eyes Of Others

As a Christian, have you bothered to see through the eyes of your Pagan brothers & sisters?  Have you given thanks for their collective contributions in creating a colorful and splendid holiday?  And you Pagans ... have you stopped to consider the teachings of Jesus?  Are his teachings so different from your own?

All you naysayers and politically correct police out there ... are you so miserable that you cannot allow others to enjoy one day out of the entire year to eat, drink and be merry?  To openly and without threat of being chastised express good will towards all people?  Would it kill you to not only see, but truly comprehend, the other person's point of view for a change?  If only for that one day?

Are the words Merry Christmas so abhorrent to you that you would prevent another from expressing their joy?  How would you feel if someone shamed you or go out their way to stop you into never expressing your joy on an occasion that maybe they view as frivolous and outrageous?  How would you feel about that?  You wouldn't like it very much ... would you?

This Christmas, take a step back and look at it from the other person's point of view.  You will be surprised by what you see and what you learn! Hell! You might even find yourself enjoying the holidays!

Bottom line, the true meaning of Christmas isn't about the birth of Jesus, it isn't about who gets the best gifts or if reindeer are really female caribou, it's not even about whose right or whose wrong.  It's about taking a little time out of your year to get to know someone, to come into an understanding and acceptance.  To see the world through your neighbor's eyes.

We have 364 days to fight and argue, to berate and misunderstand, and all that other stuff.  Let's allow some time off to just enjoy one another.  It's just one day out of the year folks.  What do you have to lose?  Really?

From My Family To You and Yours ....

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

Source for Festival of Saturnalia:  http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Saturnalia

Why I Honor Christmas --- Empress: The Untold Story

I have had many people ask me what the ranting about the holidays is all about.  Even had one person ask me who pissed in my Wheaties.  First of all ... don't eat Wheaties ... can't afford'em!   

Really sad when one of your life's ambitions is to make enough money to actually purchase a box of Wheaties ... ain't it?   And what is the deal with the high price of cereal anyways???!!!  Really crappy how expensive one box of friggin' cereal is!  oy vey! 

But I'll leave that particular rant for another day!  Right now I want to address my reasons (as I have many) for expressing my distaste for those who are making it their life's work to do away with the holidays ... in particular and most especially CHRISTMAS!

Join me now as we step in the Way Back machine ... turning back the dial to those days long since gone ... back to yesteryear ... back ... back ...  back ...  (I'm an old broad ... it's gonna be a long trip... hope you packed a snack!) .... BACK to where it all began .... 

12:03 a.m. July 25, 1960

(this is where you would normally hear some sort of corny dramatic music...

use your imagination!)

Well here I am!  All fresh and new from the womb!  Damn bright light burning my retinas like a beeeeeatch!  oy!  Thought that light came AFTER I died sheesh!    What is up with THAT? 

Now I know what you are thinking ... how the hell does she remember all that stuff?  Simple!  I was actually conscious when I came sailing through that great divide!  And too ...   In case you didn't notice ... I'm not like other people! 

At any rate .. as I lay there while that quack ... I mean crack team of medical professionals cleaned me up ... I started laughing!  (True Story by the way ... the entire family still regales me with it ... unfortunately)  Yes!  I came into this dreary world LAUGHING!  I was actually glad to be here. 

I remember thinking how happy I was!  Truly happy! 

Yea ... happy to be out of that rather tight fitting accommodations they had me in.  Sheesh!  You would think as much as the human belly can stretch it wouldn't have been so closed in ... ya know?  oy vey!

Anyways ... that's how it all started!  I came into the world Happy ... Laughing ... seriously delirious ... no doubt all those drugs they gave my mother during the labor ... oy!

If I knew then ... what I know now ... I would have insisted that the doctor give me a life time supply of that crap!  oy vey!

Okay ... fast forward to December 1965. 

This is when I first realized we didn't participate in the festivities.  You see ... my mother is a devout Jehovah's Witness ... and for whatever idiotic reason ... she thought it was a great idea to live in an ALL Catholic Neighborhood!  ohhhh yea!    In fact ... St Cecilia Church was only 3 blocks down the street!  yea that's right!  a Catholic Church!  And what's this?  Right on the corner of our street?  Would that be the house where all the Nuns lived????  CATHOLIC NUNS!!!!!!  Are there any other?  oy vey!

I have nothing against the Catholics!  I have nothing against Nuns!  I dig Nuns!  Loved those habits!  I always liked that whole black and white ensemble!    Still do!

But you have to admit ... it wasn't the best possible choice for a comfort zone if you get my meaning here people!!!

This whole scenario brings new meaning to "sticking out like a sore thumb"  ... doesn't it?  Oh but WAIT!  There's More!!!

We were the ONLY house not to have any snazzy colored lights ... or a dazzling tree in our front window.    I wasn't allowed to say Merry Christmas ... I wasn't allowed to watch any of the Christmas shows like Rudolph the Red nose Reindeer or A Charlie Brown Christmas or Miracle on 42nd Street or 32nd street or Hollywood & Vine .. or whatever street it was  on ... Hell you know what I'm talking about!  oy!  I didn't get to watch  A Christmas Carol or that one damn Christmas movie with Jimmy Stewart... the one where he dies and his dingbat of an Angel Clarence shows him what would have happened if he had never been born. 

I didn't get to listen to Christmas songs ... go carolling ... I didn't get to eat any figgy pudding (still don't know what the hell that is... dont' think I want to either!), I  didn't get to  hang mistletoe or deck the halls with boughs of holly or any of that cool stuff!

I never got to experience sneaking down right at midnight on Christmas to catch Santa in the act!  I didn't even get to leave the old fat fart any cookies and milk! 

Yea! Sad story ... total tragedy!  There's actually more ... but I don't want to depress any of ya'll! 

Sufficient to say .. now you know why I am so adamant about keeping Christmas!   Why I am so hellbent on saying Merry Christmas and not .. Happy Holidays!  Why I am so damn determined to sing Christmas songs and spread the spirit of Christmas! 

Even though I was not allowed to participate in the festivities .. in my heart I had the True Spirit of Christmas!  And I believed in Santa Claus!  Still do!  I like his bright red suit and shiny black boots and his belly that shakes like a bowl full of jelly when he says HO! HO! HO!  Just indeedy I do! 

And yes!  I believe that each and every time a bell rings an Angel gets their wings!!!!  And I ring those bells people!!!!  Yes I do! I do!!!

And ain't nobody taking that away from me!!!! 

Fast forwarding again folks ... so hold on to your panties!  

November 1990  ... BLACK FRIDAY  (dramatic music ... use your imagination!)

Having finally breaking completely free from the J.W. indoctrination ... and having spent the entire Thanksgiving watching every single Christmas movie I could get my hands on ... I boldly took my now new found paganistic heathen ass to the nearest WalMart (at 3 a.m. nonetheless!) and purchased my very first Christmas tree and Christmas ornaments!  I made sure I had several different kinds of cookies (wasn't sure what kind Santa liked ... and wasn't taking any chances!) and several gallons of milk.  I shopped for presents and wrapping paper and bows and cute little gift bags and all sorts of Christmas albums. 

I was up to my armpits in debt and loving every moment of it!  I was finally having my very first Christmas!!!!    Pity those folks at Wally World didn't work on commission cause they would have made enough to retire that year! 

But that's how it all began folks!  And now you know The Untold Story!

Now this true tale of how one little girl's dream of having a Christmas.  I hope it will help someone remember the joy & splendor of the season.  It is my desire someone, just one person will remember that Christmas is the one day out of the year that we can use as an excuse to be a little nicer ... to be a little more giving of ourselves ... To give us a moment to think about Peace on Earth and Having Good will towards all those who share this planet!  And maybe ... we will get so addicted to that feeling of doing good and being nice that we will want Christmas all year 'round!  yea!

Or ...  maybe ...

*****Insert Very BIG Grin****** 

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This might guilt you all into sending me Duct tape ... and LOTS OF IT! 

I mean after all I spent Thirty (count'em ... THIRTY) years of not having a friggin' Christmas People!!!  :-) 

Known as The Empress of the Known & Unknown Universes™ and The Diva of Duct Tape, Julia has made it her personal mission to put Reality back into Spirituality™. Julia sets out to assist people in expanding their conscious awareness through her rather unique and personal take on the human experience. 

In the style of Erma Bombeck, Julia utilizes her own brand of humor and down to earth demeanor to get her messages across in an all so delightful way. 

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Reproduction and copying of said work without proper authority is strictly prohibited




Unless otherwise specified, ALL articles on this Blogger are the property of Julia K. Cole.  The ZEN of Duct Tape™, it's name, teachings, modalities, and all excerpts; the nicknames The Empress of the Known & Unknown Universes™ and The Diva of Duct Tape™,  The Duct Tape Diva™; Putting Reality Back Into Spirituality™, Reality back into Spirituality™ are the property and trade marks of Julia K. Cole and are protected under Copy Right Laws both here in the USA and Around The World.  

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