I figure why put off one or two weeks that I can do today? Right?
Seeing how it's been years in the making, I resolved to cut a dozen or so stragglers (Most of which are blood related) out of my life once and for all. With the exception of my three children, everyone else in that so called family is hereby gone from my life.
Not that they will notice mind you. Seeing how I am the invisible woman and all. A Nobody!
And yes, I have actually been told I am nobody in that family. More than once or twice!
After 50 plus years of trying to bond with these mindless and clueless assholes, and trying to be a "family," I've decided to say so long, fare thee well, adieu, bye-bye...GOOD RIDDANCE once and for all!
Again, they won't notice. Not that it really matters that they notice. I notice! And in this particular scenario, I'm the only one who actually counts!
And yes! I'm a happier and more fulfilled person because I'm going into 2014 without them!
After all these years of yearning to be a part of a family and never seeing it come to fruition, I am finally letting it and them all go! Really and truly, with all my heart and soul, let them, and their endless stream of bat shit crazy dramas, GO!
Hmm, I'm finally ready to do all that! And I Have!
Like I said, it's been a decision that's been years in the making. While I have been slowly cutting family members loose one by one, some of which I had to cut loose several times, I can honestly say this is IT!!!! This is the final good-bye. And let me just say that cutting the ties this time around actually feels different. In fact, it is different this time around. Can't explain it. It just is.
Maybe the difference is I'm finally ready to let go. To Really Let Go! Yea, that sounds good! Let's go with that!
As for any non-related stragglers...you're already gone, gone, GONE! And No! I won't miss you cause you're Gone!
*~*~*~*~*
Although...it does make you wonder why a person would continue to put themselves through endless heartache like I have all these years. Oh, who am I kidding? I already know why. I know it all boils down to acceptance. Of course, that leads into my next question...why would anyone want to be accepted by a bunch of people who treat them like they don't even exist? Or treat you like you've committed some crime or about to commit some crime?
*~*~*~*~*
Though it does play a huge part in the great scheme of things, for me it wasn't just about acceptance. It was also about being seen. Seen as a human being, a loved one, a member of the family.
Sadly, when one of those ass hats finally did "see me" they treated me like I was some kind of outsider or some kind of foreign double agent. Someone who had to get "special permission" or wait until an escort could be obtain in order for me to visit or be a part of a family situation, experience, etc.
Is it me? Or does that sound royally fucked up?
Okay, so to give you an idea what I'm talking about, a few years ago when my mother was still alive, my name was conveniently left off a list given to my mother's nurse. It was a list of mother's children and grand-children. What struck me as odd, my one brother who had pre-deceased mother was on that list!
So very nice to know that the dead get more respect and recognition than I do! oy!
At any rate, when I went to visit mother, I had to show I.D. and bring in my youngest son (who's name WAS on the list!) to prove I wasn't some Ninja assassin or something!
And this is one of many examples of the horseshit stunts these fuck tards have pulled over the years.
Hard to believe ain't it? That THESE are the type of people I wanted to be with???! Seriously! oy! Makes you wonder how really sane I am...don't it?
*~*~*~*~*
My long time friend and I had a rather intense conversation a few weeks back regarding all of this. And he really drove the point home!
He asked, "Imagine there is a room with a dozen vicious dogs with rabies. Now, I ask, would you try to get in that room with them?" (of course not! was my reply) With hands on hips, and a very stern look, he then asked, "Then why do you insist on being with people who are just as vicious? Just as rabid?"
Good point! He's right! (don't tell him I said that please! *LOL*) And it was at that moment that damn proverbial light bulb clicked on! I guess I just needed that one last shove in the right direction.
Don't get me wrong, I'm a little sadden that it came down to this. But as I mentioned above, it's been years in the making. There's only so much one person can take. And honestly, I've taken more than my fair share. Several times!
Seeing how it's Christmas, I decided that its time for others to enjoy the bliss of heartache and horseshit. *Big Evil Grin*
Ahead of me is a new road. A Road that is lit up with all sorts of bright lights. Interesting! I never noticed that road before! Guess those new freeze dried bullshit wipers I got actually work! Huh? *LOL*
*~*~*~*~*
I've given myself the gift of Making decisions, sticking to them, and making allowances where I need to.
Merry Christmas Everybody!
.
