Showing posts with label addictions. Show all posts
Showing posts with label addictions. Show all posts

Saturday, July 28, 2012

Forgiveness: Part 2 ~ Forgiving Self

When it comes to genuinely forgiving -- I fall short.  Way short!

I know this only because … I can rattle off the names of a half dozen people  who have gone out of their way to slander me, hurt me and my family in some way.   And not only that,   every once in a while -- I actually take a few minutes to envision these assholes  being trampled by a flock of 100 foot mutant chickens.   It puts a smile on my face!   Makes me giggle! 

Seriously -- who wouldn’t laugh at the thought of someone running from a gigantic chicken?


Don’t get me wrong -- I don’t spend too much time on these fantasies.   Those morons aren’t worth the time and energy.  But still … whenever I need a good laugh  … I just flip on that imagination switch and let those mutant chickens run rampant!

*~*~*


Entertaining thoughts such as these is what  EFT Practitioner Margaret Lynch refers to as “Negative Pleasures.”   According to Margaret, negative pleasures are one of the many ways we do battle with ourselves.  Granted,  while these negative pleasures do have their humorous side, they tend to keep us stuck  And being stuck  keeps us in “battle mode.”  Being in battle mode prevents us from living in freedom. 

As human experiencers -- living in freedom is our ultimate goal.

But how do you get past  being stuck in battle mode when the planet is over run by  the L.E.A. --League of Extraordinary Assholes?

Well it ain’t easy!  Then again … no one said it would be.  However,  we have at our disposal a wide range of tools,  methods and modalities  for  dealing with the hardcore members of the LEA.  One of which is EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique) a.k.a. tapping.  

EFT is astoundingly helpful in releasing whatever unwanted and unneeded energies floating in and around our bodies.   However, when combined with other healing modalities, such as Ho’Oponopono, I have discovered that my  tapping  has an even more profound impact.

But don't just take my word for it -- try it out for yourself!

You can check out some of the free EFT sessions on You Tube with a  host of expert EFT Techs such as Margaret Lynch, Brad Yates, and Pamela Bruner.

*~*~*~*~*

Now when doing any type of  healing modality,  I always start with myself.  Reason being, like all of you, I carry around this guilt and shame for being a "secret member" of the L.E.A.  And too, I have a boat load of negative pleasures that I indulge in now and then.    While it does make me smile, I do have a bit of shame for visualizing someone’s demise.   So the very  first person who gets the healing  is me!

Why do I start with myself, you may ask?  Simple.  First of all,  on whole, we all tend to overlook our self when it comes to maintaining any level of health.  Be it spiritual, physical, emotional and/or mental.  We all tend to put ourselves last.     

Many years ago, I remember someone stating that we take better care of our vehicles than we do ourselves.  Not sure who originally said it -- but whoever it was they were one very observant cookie!

 Secondly, and most importantly,  forgiveness is really about Self anyways.  We are the ones who are holding on to the memories and experiences.  We are the ones living and reliving those episodes over and over again.   So it's only logical that we begin with Self!

In case of emergency ...
place the oxygen mask over your face FIRST!  

Then proceed to assist others!

If you ever traveled by airplane, you are familiar with these instructions given before take off.    These  same instructions hold true for any healing work!

Heal your Self -- FIRST!  

And ... The first steps to healing our Self begins with forgiveness of One's Self!


*~*~*~*~*

While forgiving others may prove difficult -- forgiving ourselves is a seemingly impossible and unreachable goal.  

There are endless reasons why we refuse to forgive ourselves.  Irregardless of the many reasons you can name -- it all comes down to one solitary belief … unworthiness. 

Unworthiness.  Worthlessness.  Low or non-existent Self-Worth.

Somewhere along the way … we were convinced that we are the most worthless beings on the face on  Planet Earth.  While the belief of unworthiness could have been triggered anywhere during the course of your life, chances are  it all stems from early childhood.   But only you can know for certain.  To find out, you (yes YOU) will have to take the time to literally dig through the huge piles of emotional bullshit to find the point of origin. 

It isn’t easy.  No one said it would be!  It will take time and patience to sift through all that crap.  And a lot of hankies! 

And folks … There are no short cuts to this process!  Trust me, if there was … I would have found them and used them-- a LONG time ago!


*~*~*

For me personally, my point of origin was easily detected.    The events compounding these beliefs of unworthiness is a very long list!   Trekking back in time, facing  the point of origin of my beliefs of unworthiness was heartbreaking.    But the more I went back, the more information I gleaned.  And the more information  I gleaned, the more my awareness expanded.  And the more my awareness expanded, the more my heart opened and allowed the forgiveness to flow more freely.

Coming  into the present -- I now can see with crystal clarity what my choices as a young child had set in motion.  And too, how The Universe, in it’s infinite wisdom, had begun to gently nudge me out of that mindset.

And how did it do this?

By placing in my path the same type of people, situations and experiences with the same exact messages of unworthiness!

*~*~*


I don’t know if you ever noticed this  -- but The Universe has this two by four to the side of the head method it implements!

Of course, it usually starts out with a ruler.   First it begins with a really subtle thump on the noggin.  If you get the lesson from that initial tap-- then you’re good to go! On to the next lesson!  Woo Hoo!!!   But ignore that little thump and the next thing you know … the ruler has been turned into a two by four … and before you have time to blink … BAM!  Right up side the head!  And you have no choice but pay attention to the lessons The Universe is providing!

Ever notice that?  Okay, maybe it’s just me then!  However, my point being … ignoring an issue -- any issue -- leads to  more of the same, each time it returns is more intense.  And to make matters worse -- ignoring issues tends to mount even more  feelings of unworthiness!   So before you know it -- you are caught in this vicious cycle of self-abuse.  Before too long you wind up  in a sea of utter despair.

As you  find yourself barely floating along--you manage to muster up enough strength to ask that all burning question … Why me?!!  Instead of throwing you a life preserver,  The Universe comes in with that two by four  and whacks you again and again! Each blow  harder than the last.

And it just keeps coming ...

Until …

You stop struggling!  Yell “UNCLE!” And proceed to forgiving yourself!

Yep!  The Universe is one helluva motivator -- ain’t it?   Unfortunately,  many view this process as cruel and unusual punishment.  They put all blame on The Universe!   Taking no responsibility for themselves.   Not really taking the time to understand and fully comprehend the way The Universe operates.   Which is … whatever you are in need of learning … The Universe supplies!  In abundance -- I might add!

 So if you are getting WHACKED upside the head … it is YOU who are doing it to YOU!

End of Story!

Now if you have any desire to place a cease and decease order on all the whacking upside the head … you will need to do one little thing.  And that is … genuinely, unconditionally, with love & compassion  -- forgive your … Self!

Yes!  It really is that simple!

The benefits of forgiving Self is infinite!  In fact, something truly marvelous happens when you genuinely forgive your Self!  All of which we will cover in Part 3 of this on-going blog series.

Until then …

Embrace ALL that you Are!
For you ARE … All That There Is!

















Known as The Empress of the Known & Unknown Universes™ and The Diva of Duct Tape, Julia has made it her personal mission to put Reality back into Spirituality™. Julia sets out to assist people in expanding their conscious awareness through her rather unique and personal take on the human experience. 

In the style comparable to Erma Bombeck, Julia utilizes her own brand of humor and down to earth demeanor to get her messages across in an all so delightful way.  






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    Tuesday, June 14, 2011

    Consider This . . .

    The person who hurt you either 
    • Isn’t aware they have hurt you;
    • Doesn’t care they hurt you;
    • Has forgotten about the incident and moved on;
    • Sleeps very well at night
    • Has no issues with indigestion, headaches, back pain or any other kind of pain
    • Is convinced you are in desperate need of getting a life,  getting laid or both
    • Has steady relationships and a job
    • Has no addictions or disorders
    • Can hold a steady personal relationship/keep a job

    You on the other hand …
    • Can remember every detail of the incident and every syllable uttered;
    • Have developed various types of ailments, joint pains, suffer from headaches, backaches,  a wide variety of  physical, mental and/or emotional health issues;
    • Are angry, resentful and mistrustful;
    • Either can’t sleep or sleeps way too much
    • Now has an eating disorder
    • Suffering from memory loss --huge chunks of your life is missing
    • Has some sort of addiction (alcohol, drugs, sex, spending, gambling, food)
    • Can’t hold down a job/Can’t keep a steady personal relationship
    • Difficulty in focusing on anything outside the pain and suffering
    • Suffers from Low self-esteem and self-worth

    While these may not apply to every individual reading this -- I am willing to wager most of it does ring some bells!

    So considering all the above -- seeing it in black and white -- do you still believe you are really making “they” -- “them” -- “that person” suffer by holding on to your pain?  You think/believe that you are exacting revenge by living your life in misery?

    They -- who/whom ever “they” are -- are not suffering from what happened.  They’re free!  You on the other hand--  are in a prison of your own making! YOU are the one suffering -- not them!   You are the one punishing you!


    *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

    • Forgiveness is not the condoning of the actions that initiated the pain and suffering you experienced. 
    • Forgiveness is not forgetting anything that transpired -- but reaching a state of mind where you can see those actions from an objective view point without any adverse reactions.

    • Forgiveness is the refusal to carry the pain and suffering those actions initiated. 
    • Forgiveness is the release of the pain and suffering you have carried throughout your human experience.

    It is painfully obvious that the majority of people do not know the difference between forgetting and releasing.    No doubt this is perhaps one of the main reasons people are so skittish when it comes to forgiving.

    Forgive and Forget?

    Many have been taught that in order to reach a true state of forgiveness -- one must totally forget everything that happened to them.  This is a gross misconception that has been passed down by those who didn’t know any better.

    To  “forgive and forget” means  to -- release that pain from your being!  Release yourself and be free!  Forget all about holding on to all that suffering -- holding all that pain!   

    It does NOT mean forget the incident  itself!  Again, the forgetting portion of "Forgive & Forget is  --  forget all that clinging -- forget all that grasping -- forget  all that holding on -- to that which no longer serves you!   Forget that which no longer serves you and remember only what you have learned from the event(s).  Release the pain and be Free!

    This is the true meaning behind the phrase “forgive and forget.”

    *~*~*~*~*~*

    Interesting thing about human experiencers -- they hold on to their pain and suffering as though it were a matter of life and death.  They justify clinging to their pain and suffering by relieving the incidents that transpired.  Caught up in their fears -- they can’t see what they have learned from any of the situations.    They can’t see past those incidents.  They refuse to let them go for whatever reason.  During the course of their human journey, they will go as far as reinventing the situation over and over again in their day to day life.

    So and so did this or that-- said this or that.  They hurt me.  They should be made to pay for this, that or the other thing.   I’m a victim!  I’m in pain!  I can’t let go because they hurt me!

    I can’t let go because they hurt me! 

    I have to remember what they did so they will pay for it!  So they will see my suffering and they will be sorry!  

    I’m sick!  I have this or that pain!  I have this or that disease.  All  because because they hurt me!  I’m making them pay with my physical, emotional and mental pain!  I can’t let go yet -- it doesn’t matter if I can’t sleep or sleep too much.  It doesn’t matter if I eat too much or can’t eat or keep anything down!  I have to do this because they hurt me!

    They are going to pay for my suffering!  I won’t let it go until they pay for hurting me!  Even if it cost me my happiness -- and my life-- they are going to pay -- because they hurt me!

    While a bit dramatic -- the above statements are more true than many of you reading this realize or even admit.

    “I can’t! (or “I won’t)  Because they hurt me!”   Each and every time I bring up forgiveness -- 9 times out of 10 -- I will get this particular reply.  Sadly, I hear it a lot!    Sadder still -- each of these people who refuse to forgive suffer from a number of physical, emotional and mental maladies.   To add insult to injury -- the majority of them can’t keep a steady personal relationship.   And while many of them will admit they are holding grudges (i.e. their pain and suffering) -- they refuse to forgive!

    For those of you who can’t and/or won’t forgive -- because “they” hurt you  … I urge you once again to Consider This ...

    The person who hurt you either 
    • Isn’t aware they have hurt you;
    • Doesn’t care they hurt you;
    • Has forgotten about the incident and moved on;
    • Sleeps very well at night
    • Has no issues with indigestion, headaches, back pain or any other kind of pain
    • Is convinced you are in desperate need of getting a life or getting laid or both
    • Has steady relationships and a job
    • Has no addictions or disorders
    • Can hold a steady personal relationship/keep a job

    You on the other hand …
    • Can remember every detail of the incident and every syllable uttered;
    • Have developed various types of ailments, joint pains, suffer from headaches, backaches,  a wide variety of  physical, mental and/or emotional health issues;
    • Are angry, resentful and mistrustful;
    • Either can’t sleep or sleeps way too much
    • Now has an eating disorder
    • Suffering from memory loss --huge chunks of your life is missing
    • Has some sort of addiction (alcohol, drugs, sex, spending, gambling, food)
    • Can’t hold down a job/Can’t keep a steady personal relationship
    • Difficulty in focusing on anything outside the pain and suffering
    • Suffers from Low self-esteem and self-worth
    Aren’t you tired?  Don’t you think it’s time you paroled yourself from this living hell?

    *~*~*~*~*

    Release yourself.  Not by forgetting what happened to you -- but  by refusing to carry that pain and suffering inflicted on you.  Release yourself by remembering the lessons these incidents brought to you.  Take that and start living your life in freedom!

    It is said … the best revenge is Living Well!     Nothing pisses that "other person" off more -- than seeing you living happy and well!  And seeing how most of us are attempting to make that "other person" pay for the pain and suffering they inflicted -- well why not try something different?  Why not try living well -- and stop living in Hell!?

    As long as you insist on the “I can’t let go because they hurt me!” mindset -- you will never be free!  You will continue to be their victim -- their slave-- their prisoner!

    Your choice!  After all -- it is your life … or is it? 

    I will leave you with the question posed to me by my spirit companion Antari …

    “What is more important to you?  Your pain and suffering or your peace and joy?”

    Namaste!






    About Julia K. Cole

    Known as The Empress of the Known & Unknown Universes™ and The Duct Tape Diva,  Julia has made it her personal mission to put Reality back into Spirituality.   Julia sets out to assist people in expanding their conscious awareness through her rather unique and personal take on the human experience.  In the style  of Erma Bombeck, Julia utilizes her own brand of humor and down to earth demeanor to get her messages across in an all so delightful way.


     
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