Bullying Prevention and Intervention Tips for Families

Prevention

1. Increase Communication
Initiate discussion about your children’s social and online lives on a regular basis. Ask specific questions that generate meaningful dialogue (e.g., instead of “How was school?,” try “What is lunchtime like at your school—who do you sit with, what do you do and what do you talk about?”). Make sure that your demeanor communicates genuine interest and openness as opposed to the desire to control or invade privacy. 

2. Monitor Behavior
Observe your children in different settings by volunteering at school, participating in extracurricular activities and being watchful during social gatherings. If you notice that your children are overly aggressive, vulnerable to peer pressure or exhibit other behavior that troubles you, talk to them about your concerns and redirect the behavior. Be vigilant about the warning signs associated with bullying behavior (e.g., social withdrawal, fear of attending school, avoidance of or preoccupation with technology) and trust your instinct to intervene if your children don’t seem to be their usual selves. 

3. Facilitate Positive Social Experiences
Help your children to choose friends and hobbies that make them feel good about themselves. If you notice that certain relationships or activities cause unhealthy conflict or bad feelings, talk about ways to improve things move away from the negative situation. Guide your children in finding friends and interests in varied settings so that they do not rely on only one place as their social outlet. Help your children to stay bonded to at least one close friend—feeling socially connected can help to mitigate the effects of bullying.

4. Promote Responsible Online Behavior
Talk with your children about ethical online behavior, including respect for privacy and the impact of denigrating others. Make sure that they understand how to protect their own privacy online (e.g., keep personal information, passwords and PINs confidential) and how to respond when targeted by negative online behavior (see Prevention Tip #6). Help your children to set healthy limits on the amount of time spent online and actively supervise online activities. If you use filtering and monitoring software, be open about it and don’t rely on these tools as a substitute for direct participation in their online lives

5. Talk about Bullying
Make a point of explicitly bringing up bullying. Specifically define bullying, what it looks like and what to do when it occurs. Communicate your values and expectations regarding their social behavior on and offline, and help them to clarify their own values and ways to act on them in the face of peer pressure and aggression. Discuss and rehearse ways to respond to social cruelty, and make it is clear that your children can and should come to you for help when they witness or are involved in bullying situations.

6. Be a Role Model
Think about the messages your children receive when you make judgmental comments, gossip or behave aggressively toward friends, family members, drivers on the road or help staff in stores. Use technology responsibly and avoid forwarding mean or biased jokes and posts. Model what it means to be an ally and to stand up against prejudice and cruelty on and offline.

7. Be Involved at School
Advocate for policies, programs and practices that encourage positive social behavior and be vocal when adults/institutions fall short of their responsibility to protect children and maintain safe environments. Don’t wait until your child is the target to get involved and speak up.  [emphasis added]



Source:  Anti-Defamation League

Mom asks courts to help protect son from bullying at school

LOUISVILLE, Ky. (WHAS11) — A Jefferson County mother is asking the courts to force her son’s school to protect him from what she said is continuous bullying.

Bekishia Cosby, whose son attends Olmsted North Middle School, claims teachers and administrative staff are negligent by not protecting her son from being bullied by fellow classmates.

Cosby said she wants the courts to issue a protective order to ensure the staff will watch over her son at school.

Several months ago, Cosby filed a lawsuit against her son's former school, Thomas Jefferson Middle School.  The lawsuit names Thomas Jefferson principal principal, eight other JCPS staff members and nine minors.

A sworn affidavit states the boy, identified as BB, tried to commit suicide last year while at Thomas Jefferson because classmates bullied him for his perceived sexual orientation. According to the affidavit, when BB started at Olmsted the physical threats, name calling, and harassment continued.

The family's attorney said JCPS needs to fully enforce its zero bullying policy, that’s why they want the court issue a protection order. Attorney Ted Gordon said protection for BB would include suspensions and making sure the accused bullies have no contact with BB. 

A judge will hear the motion in court Friday at 11 a.m.

Source:  Brittany Gonzalez -- WHAS11.com

Extreme and Unncessary Punishment: Changes Need to Be Made Within Our School System

My daughter attends High School here in Jefferson County, Kentucky. She was placed in ISAP (Detention) for the full day due to a “dress code” violation.   She wasn’t wearing a belt.

While I appreciate the importance of rules and the need to enforce them, I am appalled by the extreme disciplinary tactics in dealing with dress code infractions.  Denying a child access to her/his classes and then placing them in the same room with children with distinct and continuous  behavioral problems?  All due to not having a belt to wear?

Is it me or does anyone else find this extreme?   

And not only is it extreme -- but is cheating a child out of their class time and their education. 

This, in my opinion, is not only a form of neglect, but an abuse of power by the faculty and staff. And I assure you, I am not alone in my opinion in this regard.

My child (and a few other children as well)  missed out on her classes, denied her education, and will be counted as an UNEXCUSED ABSENTEE due to this infraction.   Again, for emphasis, I will point out that She was placed in the same detention room with children that exhibit behavioral problems -- all due to the simple fact she was not wearing a belt.

Now again ...  ask yourselves -- isn't this a bit extreme? 

I do understand the "No Sagging Pants" rule!  And trust me, I am ALL for it!  Nothing irritates me more than seeing boys and men alike with their backsides hanging out.  Disgusting!


But my daughter's pants were NOT sagging.   In fact, her not wearing a belt was barely even noticeable.     I am by no means saying she should not have incurred discipline for the infraction.    Rules are rules.  But to be forced to miss an entire day of school?   Does anyone else see the problem here?  

*~*~*~*~*~*

Now please understand.  Had my daughter been given detention after school, neither she nor I would have taken issue. She would have gotten her day of education, paid for her infraction and everyone would have gone about their merry way. 

Instead, the individual "in charge" of handing out punishment chose to take it a few steps further. Instead of taking into consideration my child's educational needs; instead of choosing a more appropriate venue to discipline her for the infraction ... this individual chose instead to abuse her authority, violate my child's legal rights to a proper education,  all in order to prove who was in charge.

So I ask you ... What message is this sending out to not only my daughter, but all the other children who were “written up”, punished and denied their education, due to the same type of infractions?

It is telling them, in short, that abuse of power is perfectly acceptable.      

That wearing a belt is far more important than your education!   

*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Now what bothers me and my daughter the most about this little incident is how the staff and faculty alike ... will pick and choose who is to be punished for these dress code infractions!


I have been at this high school on more than one occasion.  And each time I have seen young girls wearing skirts so short that you could see their underwear each time they moved.  I have seen both boys and girls wearing pants so tight, you would swear they had been spray painted on.     I have sat in the office of this very high school  and seen first hand some rather offensive and inappropriate outfits on young teenage girls --- outfits that the staff and faculty of this particular high school who seem to not even notice.  Or just choose to ignore altogether. 

 
I have actually mentioned these infractions to a few of the teachers online ... each of them denying seeing anything like that in their class room.     Not that I am saying they are lying.  I wasn't in their class room.  Perhaps the students I saw dressed inappropriately didn't attend their classes.  Apparently by the responses I have gotten ... those particular students didn't.  :-)


And then there is the information I got from not only by my daughter, but by other students as well, regarding incidents involving  a few male students who had dress code infractions but were giving after school detention.    Furthermore, I was informed that these particular students had on cargo pants -- a few who had on regular pants were not wearing belts!

*~*~*~*~*~*

Some of you may be asking why I didn't just bring her the belt.   When she called me, I was literally on my way out to two job interviews on the opposite side of town.  I don't have a car, I have no friends or family close by who could have helped get her the belt.  And I don't have money for cab fare. 


To get to the school, I have to take two buses.  The second bus I have to take that brings me to the school does not run as often as the bus I take to get to the transfer point.   In fact, when I finally was able to get to the school that day, I actually had  to wait 35 minutes for that  second bus.  And once you are on that second bus, it's a little over 45 minutes ride, by the way.   In short, it takes almost 2 hours by bus to get to the school.  


Now why would I choose going on job interviews over bringing my child a belt?  

Our finances are rapidly depleting, and I need a job to keep a roof over our heads, utilities to pay and have to put food on the table.  

Not to mention I couldn't reschedule the interviews -- So I made an executive decision. 

In short -- I am a single parent with no other resources available.  And whose money is running out.   And in all seriousness ... I really found it hard to believe that they would actually force her to stay in detention all day for not wearing a belt!   

Other parents are in similar situations.  Some in worse predicaments.   Please understand, I'm not implying that special treatment be given to any of us who find themselves in these situations.  I am only asking that if you, the educator,  find yourself in a position to discipline my child, then do so -- but don't cheat him/her out of an education because of he/ she has either forgot or was unable to obtain suitable attire.     There are other means of discipline available that doesn't include deliberately withholding their education! 

*~*~*~*~*~*

Of course, many would say that I, as the parent, should have made sure my daughter had the belt.    And this is what I have to say to that.  My daughter is a very responsible young woman.  She doesn't make a habit of non-compliance.     She is 16 yrs old and old enough to know the difference from right and wrong.     She works very hard to follow the rules.  And she doesn't require me doing a spot check before she leaves for school.    She always dresses appropriately.  

This particular day was an exception.   And I will state once again, I am not saying nor am I implying that she should not have been disciplined for the infraction.    

What I am stating -- out right-- is the  punishment for this infraction was way over the top -- no matter how you look at it.


Again, for emphasis ... my daughter  was willing to take the punishment ... but she had no idea it would mean she would not be allowed to attend class all day.  Her first period teacher was also under the impression that she would be given detention AFTER school.  

*~*~*~*~*~*

Please know and understand ... 

• I am not placing blame on the school for my child's failure to remember to wear a belt.    On the contrary! If and when my child breaks the rules, I stand behind the school.  My children know this about me.

• I am not saying she should not have been disciplined for the infraction.    She broke the rules -- intentional or not.  And we both agree that she did break the rules. Not intentionally.  But she was ready to accept the consequences. 

• I am saying (again for emphasis) there is no clear way that this school nor the school board itself can honestly nor in good conscience justify this kind of disciplinary action for this type of infraction! On any scale of the imagination!

THESE are my points!   

*~*~*~*~*~*

Now instead of an all day detention for dress code violations, why not instead ... 

• do an after school detention;  or
• a Saturday detention; or
• have them pay a fine

And if they can't pay the fine, have the child who has been found in non-compliance of the dress code, work in the school lunch room or office during free periods ... or after school ... until that fine has been paid off.

*~*~*~*~*

I am not going to let this matter go.  Even though I have been "advised" by actual members of the school system to do so.   I was actually told out right, and I quote ... you can't win ... not with "them."  Unquote.

And yes, I know exactly what they mean when they say that.    
 

But the internet is a powerful tool.    In short, I will let my voice be heard.  And I will not let this matter go.