Yet Another Reason Why I Use Duct Tape!

You will be crying by the time you get through this...it's long, but worth it. 

I've re-titled this story: Yet Another Reason Why I Use Duct Tape.  

The original title is unknown, as is the author of this comedic master piece!

*~*~*~*

All hair removal methods have tricked us with promises of easy, painless removal - the epilady, scissors, razors, Nair and now the wax. 

My night began as any other normal weekday night. Come home, fix dinner, play with the kids. I then had the thought that would ring painfully in my mind for the next few hours: Maybe I should pull the wax out of the medicine cabinet. So I headed to the site of my demise – the bathroom. 

It was one of those cold wax kits. No melting a clump of hot wax, you just rub the strips together in your hand and then they get warm and you peel them apart press it to your leg (or wherever else) and hair comes right off. No muss, no fuss. How hard can it be? I mean I'm no girly girl, but I am mechanically inclined enough that I can figure it out. 

** YA THINK!!!!*** 

So, I pull one of the thin strips out. Its two strips facing each other stuck together. Instead of rubbing them together, I get out the hair dryer and heat it to 1000 degrees. Cold wax my rear end (Oh how this phrase haunts me!). I lay the strip across my thigh, hold the skin around it tight and pull. OK so it wasn't the best feeling, but it wasn't too bad. I can do this!! Hair removal no longer eludes me!! I am She-ra, fighter of all wayward body hair and smooth skin extraordinaire. 

With my next wax strip I move north. After checking on the kids, I sneak back into the bathroom for the ultimate hair fighting championship. I drop my panties and place one foot on the toilet. Using the same procedure, I apply the wax strip across the right side of my bikini line, covering the right half of my vagina and stretching down to the inside of my butt cheek (Yes, it was a long strip!). I inhale deeply and brace myself. RRRRRRIIIIIPPPPPP!!!!! I'm blind!!! Blinded from pain!!!.... OH MY GOD!!!!!!! Vision returning, I notice that I've only managed to pull off half of the strip. S*#T!!! Another deep breath and RRRIIIIPPPPP. Everything is swirly and spotted. Do I hear crashing drums???? 

OK, back to normal. I want to see my trophy - a wax covered strip with my hairy pelt that has caused me such pain sticking to it. I hold up the strip. There's no hair on it! Where is the hair? WHERE IS THE WAX???? Slowly I ease my head down, foot still perched on the toilet. I see the hair. The hair that should be on the strip. I touch. I am touching wax. S*#T, I run my fingers over the most sensitive part of my body which is now covered in cold wax and matted hair. 

Then I make the next BIG mistake..remember my foot is still propped up on the toilet. I know I need to do something. So I put my foot down. DAMN!!!! I hear the slamming of the cell door. Vagina? Sealed shut. Butt? Sealed shut. I penguin walk around the bathroom trying to figure out what to do and think to myself "Please don't let me get the urge to poop. My head may pop off!" Hot water!!! Hot water melts wax!! I'll run the hottest water I can stand into the bathtub, get in, immerse the wax covered bits and the wax should melt and I can gently wipe it off, right?? 

** WRONG!!!!!!*** 

I get in the tub – the water is slightly hotter than what they used to torture prisoners of war or sterilize surgical equipment – I sit. Now, the only thing worse than having either of your businesses glued together is having them glued together and then glued to the bottom of the tub. In scalding hot water. Which, by the way, doesn't melt cold wax. So, now I'm stuck to the bottom of the tub!!! God bless the man that convinced me I should have a phone in the bathroom!!!! I call my friend thinking surely she's waxed before and has some secret of how to get me undone. It's a very good conversation starter "So, my butt and who-ha are stuck to the bottom of the tub!" There is a slight pause. She doesn't have a secret trick but does try to hide the laughter from me. She wants to know exactly where the wax is located on bottom, "Are we talking cheeks, hole or what?" She's laughing out loud by now. I can hear her. I give her the rundown and she suggests I call the number on the side of the box. 

YEAH!!!!! Right!!!!!! I should be the joke of someone else's night. 

While we go through various solutions, I resort to scraping the wax off with a razor. Nothing feels better than to have your girlie goodies covered in hot wax, glued shut, stuck to the tub in super hot water and then dry shaving the sticky wax off!!! By now the brain is not working. Dignity has taken a major hike, and I slip in glazed donut land. My friend is still talking with me, and my hand reaches toward the saving grace. the lotion they give you to remove the excess wax. What do I really have to lose at this point? I rub some on and OH MY GOD!!!! The scream probably woke the kids, scared the dickens out of my friend, but I really didn't care. "IT WORKS!! It works!!!" 

I get a hearty congratulation from my friend and she hangs up. I successfully remove the remainder of the wax and then notice to my grief and despair...THE HAIR IS STILL THERE!!!!!!

 ALL OF IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

So...I shaved it off. Heck. I am numb at this point. 

Next week, I’m going to try hair color.


~Author Unknown~

Being The Dregs Master

dregs:   the most undesirable parts;  the last remaining parts

Back when I was a kid, I saw this documentary on how gold is made into bullion.  It was fascinating to watch those little nuggets melted down and the man skimming the top of that golden liquid with a ladle like instrument.  The narrator informed us that he was removing the dregs. 

Being a curious child, I asked my mother what dregs were.  She said that was the stuff that was useless and worthless.  The same process was used in making wine, she told me.     I then asked what would happen if they kept those dregs in.  She informed me that the gold would be worthless and the wine would go bad.  It would be of no use to anyone!

The removal of the dregs is a painstaking process that reaps great rewards.  It is a process that cannot be hurried.    Dependent upon the individual product, the removal technique may require numerous efforts before all the dregs are completely removed and the product is ready.    And any one who has enjoyed a great glass of wine or who has held a piece of processed gold can surely appreciate the tireless labors of the dregs master!

Dreg masters are very focused in their jobs.  They have to be!  One dreg, no matter how small, can cause ruin and create a costly do over!

During the course of our spiritual awakening process -- we each must become our very own Dregs Master.   While there are numerous practices that are available to assist us through our self dregs removal -- Ho'O pono pono has proven to be the most affective.  At least it has been for me ... and countless others.

Now there are those who have attempted the practice of Ho’O pono pono  and have   stop doing it after a few tries.  Reason being is  because of what rises to the surface.   They either find it too hard to deal with or just a little bit scary overall. (Speaking from experience, I can tell you -- it does get a little ugly from time to time!  To say the very least!)  Some even stop doing it because they haven’t seen any “instant results!” 

Like the Dreg Masters, we have to keep dipping, skimming and removing until we have reached the final product.   It isn’t easy.  No one said it would be!

Whenever the same dregs keep surfacing, it is a signal of  what we need to work through.  There is a reason it keeps coming back to the top.  Fortunately, you don’t even have to know that reason and/or reasons in order for Ho’O pono pono to work!   As Dregs Master, all you are required to do is:  dip, skim, and remove! 

For those who keep asking …  why does certain issues, circumstances, situations, people … or all of the above … seem to rise to the surface more than others?    The answer is simple.    That which you cling to the most ... is the very thing that rises up so often.

Ignore it all you like, but I promise you … in some way …shape, form or fashion … that issue you cling to … will show itself over and over and OVER again … until you face it -- acknowledge it -- accept responsibility for it -- and then release it  to Creators for completion of the end product.

There are issues I cling to -- and they follow me wherever I go.  Damn thing will pluck out certain people with the same energies to push the dregs up so far -- that I find myself unable to get around it!  Leaving me with the choice of either carrying the stinky shit around or dip, skim and remove it all!

And yes ...  there are days when I choose to just roll around in the shit.  Only because it’s easier than taking responsibility. 

Being a skillful Dregs Master requires patience.    And yes loves!  I am very well aware of how many of us feel about patience.   Patience is something the majority of us shun as though it were a leper.   But the interesting thing about Patience -- it doesn’t like being ignored!    Ever notice that?  It will hound you!  Hunt you down like a fugitive and will pound you until you finally cry UNCLE!!!!  In the end …patience wins out!  Every time! 


Being the Dregs Master in our lives requires persistence and consistency.  You can’t just do it once and declare it finished!  We have had many life times honing our programs to perfection.  As a result, we have accumulated a lot of unnecessary non-essentials along the way.  So it’s going to take a lot of dipping, skimming and removing!  And in some cases, you may have to dip, skim and remove those same dregs many times over before the removal process is complete.

Like the gold nugget and the grapes -- there are processes to undergo in order to reach the desired effect.  No steps can be skipped.   It may take a good long while before the end product can be seen by the physical eye.  But in the end … all the efforts will prove worthwhile!    And just like that gold nugget and those grapes …  Everyone benefits!  And Everyone enjoys the end product!

Being the Dregs Master isn’t easy!  Then again, no one said it would be!   But as long as you keep the end result in mind -- be consistent and persistent in the removal process-- you’ll do just fine!


Namaste!

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