Excerpt from Children Of the Luminaries Book One: The Coming Storm

Long ago, before the wave of negativity began to take form, the Divine Creators brought together representatives from each of the twelve star sectors of the vast cosmos to form twelve councils to oversee the development of newly formed worlds.  Each council reflected the great wisdom, knowledge and power of their region.  These councils became known as the Celestial Lords of Light. 

As the wave of negativity grew, wars broke out, worlds were destroyed, entire races lost.  The wave had even reached many of the members of the twelve councils diminishing their ranks and weakening their authority. 

It was during this time, thirteen surviving members from the various councils came together and pooled their collective energies.  They beseeched the Divine Creators to grant them power to create a race of beings that would battle the negativity.

On that day, the thirteen were granted permission to set into motion their desire to create a race of beings who would serve as protectors of every living creation.  From each of the twelve star clusters, the Divine Creators gave to them the essence of twelve thousand stars. 

“From these you will fashion your charges.  Create as you will.  Instill in your creations the desire to do good.  Grant them purpose and honor; keeping in mind to never interfere with their freedom of choice.  You may watch, guide and advise.  But you must never interfere!  You will no longer be permitted to show yourselves to your charges but will work in quiet solitude; assisting only when directly asked,” the Creators instructed solemnly.

Pleased with Council's efforts, the Divine Creators then formed a world upon which the Knights would live and named it Bar'Tal meaning ‘Great Light'.  The Divine Creators granted the thirteen as Pantheon and High Council to the Knights with the reminder that they were not permitted to interfere with freedom of choice. 

As the Knights began to evolve and advance, representatives from every part of the cosmos began to show interest, seeking them out.  Many requested assistance from the Knights to battle the evil in their worlds, others to bring healing and needed supplies. 

For all living creatures that faced extinction, from every galaxy and every dimension, Bar'Tal had become their sanctuary.  As the Knights grew stronger and more powerful so too did the threat of the wave of negativity, its power now rapidly enveloping Bar'Tal.

Excerpt from Children of the Luminaries Book One: The Coming Storm

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Depression and Suicide

 Unless you know what is in the mind and heart of someone with depression, unless you fully comprehend what they are experiencing and why they they make that decision to take their own lives,  you can't say suicide was a selfish act. 

Yes!  By appearances it does seem like a selfish act. But I know from first hand experience what depression does to a person and what it does to those who love them. I know what suicide does to those left behind. 

And I know why some take that route to suicide.   No, I don't like it. I certainly don't condone it. But I know and UNDERSTAND it! 

*~*~*~*

"The pain is too much. It's too intense there are no words that can explain, no words that can help you understand. No amount of meds, drugs or booze can take it away. It only dulls it for a brief time. But it comes back bigger and stronger each time, taking you to depths of despair that you didn't think possible. And then one day...You get to that point where you know--not think--but KNOW... that your family and everyone you love would be better off if you were dead. 

To see them suffer because of your pain is too much! Too much! It only adds to the pain that now smothers every ounce of my being. And I see no other recourse but to end this pain. Not just mine...but the pain of those I love so much. Yes, they will know pain of loss. But the hope of release from a pain you can't explain out weighs it all." 

*~*~*~*

This is part of a suicide note I wrote 21 years ago. I keep it as a reminder of my state of mind back then. I'm here today because someone found me in time. Someone who understood. Someone who had tried to die years prior by their own hand. 

My family didn't understand. Neither did my friends. But how could they? I couldn't explain it. Not in a way they would understand fully. All they could do is feel the pain of not being able to help me. They were in pain from not knowing what to do. And their pain added to my own suffering, crushed me even further down that hole of hopelessness. I was the cause of their pain. And it led me to feeling even worse. So much so I felt the only recourse was to end it. And by doing so would not only end my suffering...but theirs as well.


So yea, Robin Williams killing himself...I get it. 

I don't like it! I'm heart broken over it. But I do understand. 

*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Robin, I didn't know you personally, but I loved and adored you all the same. You were and will always be that guy that made me laugh so hard I literally pissed my pants. In life, you gave us the gift of laughter. In death, you give us yet another gift...the gift of remembering how important it is to love one another and be kinder to one another. Especially and most particularly, be more loving and kinder to ourselves. 

Until We Are All Reunited In The Next Life!