Depression and Suicide

 Unless you know what is in the mind and heart of someone with depression, unless you fully comprehend what they are experiencing and why they they make that decision to take their own lives,  you can't say suicide was a selfish act. 

Yes!  By appearances it does seem like a selfish act. But I know from first hand experience what depression does to a person and what it does to those who love them. I know what suicide does to those left behind. 

And I know why some take that route to suicide.   No, I don't like it. I certainly don't condone it. But I know and UNDERSTAND it! 

*~*~*~*

"The pain is too much. It's too intense there are no words that can explain, no words that can help you understand. No amount of meds, drugs or booze can take it away. It only dulls it for a brief time. But it comes back bigger and stronger each time, taking you to depths of despair that you didn't think possible. And then one day...You get to that point where you know--not think--but KNOW... that your family and everyone you love would be better off if you were dead. 

To see them suffer because of your pain is too much! Too much! It only adds to the pain that now smothers every ounce of my being. And I see no other recourse but to end this pain. Not just mine...but the pain of those I love so much. Yes, they will know pain of loss. But the hope of release from a pain you can't explain out weighs it all." 

*~*~*~*

This is part of a suicide note I wrote 21 years ago. I keep it as a reminder of my state of mind back then. I'm here today because someone found me in time. Someone who understood. Someone who had tried to die years prior by their own hand. 

My family didn't understand. Neither did my friends. But how could they? I couldn't explain it. Not in a way they would understand fully. All they could do is feel the pain of not being able to help me. They were in pain from not knowing what to do. And their pain added to my own suffering, crushed me even further down that hole of hopelessness. I was the cause of their pain. And it led me to feeling even worse. So much so I felt the only recourse was to end it. And by doing so would not only end my suffering...but theirs as well.


So yea, Robin Williams killing himself...I get it. 

I don't like it! I'm heart broken over it. But I do understand. 

*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Robin, I didn't know you personally, but I loved and adored you all the same. You were and will always be that guy that made me laugh so hard I literally pissed my pants. In life, you gave us the gift of laughter. In death, you give us yet another gift...the gift of remembering how important it is to love one another and be kinder to one another. Especially and most particularly, be more loving and kinder to ourselves. 

Until We Are All Reunited In The Next Life!