Domestic Violence isn't just a "woman's issue." It is a HUMAN issue!

Below is a short article written by Jan Brown which was posted as a reply to my article Domestic Violence: Taking it like a Man--the Untold Story  five years ago.  My article can can be found HERE.  

October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month and throughout the month domestic violence advocates and the media's attention will be focused on bringing more public understanding to and promoting the eradication of men’s violence against women. However, not all intimate partner violence (IPV) fits into this neat little package. IPV against men, especially against men by their female intimate partners, has always been a hot button issue. The mere mention of male victims in a gathering of traditional domestic violence advocates creates great controversy. 

While domestic violence advocates may know men are victims they insist that their victims service agencies (over 2,000 of them in the US) should focus exclusively on ending violence against women by men because women are the most injured and prevalent victims. 

As a result, serious outreach and services for the male victims of IPV are sorely lacking. Studies indicate that men are victims of assault by their partners in 25% of the reported cases in the U.S. each year. The disparity between the needs of those victims and the services available is large. The gap must be closed and that can only be done through education, services and advocacy. 

While resources for men are still scarce, awareness is increasing and hopefully more services will follow. IPV is not a gender issue, it is simply a human issue. 

The Domestic Abuse Helpline for Men and Women envisions a world where services are available to victims and survivors without prejudice. 

Call: 1-888-7HELPLINE (1-888-743-5754)

Visit: www.dahmw.org 

Sincerely, 
Jan Brown
Founder and Co-Director Heather Fortune, 
Co-Director Domestic Abuse Helpline for Men and Women

 Domestic Violence is EVERYBODY's Business!   It's not just a "woman's issue"  it's a HUMAN issue.   Plain and simple  And it is an issue that is reaching epidemic proportions.  Until we stand united and work towards  ending this ... we will continue to suffer the costs.

I urge each of you to share this information on your social networks.  Again...for emphasis...

Domestic Violence isn't just a "woman's issue."  

It is a HUMAN issue!

About Julia K. Cole

What can you expect from someone who considers Putting Reality Back Into Spirituality a personal calling? Straight forward answers that lead to life-changing experiences on a soul level!

Known as The Empress of the Known & Unknown Universes™ and The Diva of Duct Tape, Julia has made it her personal mission to put Reality back into Spirituality™. Julia sets out to assist people in expanding their conscious awareness through her rather unique and personal take on the human experience. 

In the style of Erma Bombeck, Julia utilizes her own brand of humor and down to earth demeanor to get her messages across in an all so delightful way. 

As a writer, Julia is a virtual powerhouse of creativity.  Among Julia's literary accomplishments is  the  Children of the Luminaries  trilogy;  Book One: The Coming Storm can be purchased by clicking Here.   

Book Two  of the trilogy is due out in the Fall of 2015 and Book Three will be available in 2016.  The long anticipated ZEN of Duct Tape:  An Empress Is Born will be out in 2016.  As well as the Teddy Mitchell Chronicles.

Julia has also contributed to several other publications including Brad Steiger's  Real Zombies, The Living Dead, and Creatures of the Apocalypse  Click HERE for the review; and Marie D. Jones' Destiny vs. Choice  Click HERE    

PLEASE NOTE:  All artwork, unless otherwise specified, are the property of the individual artists themselves. The author of these blogs claims no ownership of the original artwork, but only of the sig tags created using said artwork. Each sig tag shown on these blogs include the appropriate copyright information of the Artists and the unique licensure for use.

Reproduction and copying of said work without proper authority is strictly prohibited


Unless otherwise specified, ALL articles on this Blogger are the property of Julia K. Cole.  The ZEN of Duct Tape™, it's name, teachings, modalities, and all excerpts; the nicknames The Empress of the Known & Unknown Universes™ and The Diva of Duct Tape™,  The Duct Tape Diva™; Putting Reality Back Into Spirituality™, Reality back into Spirituality™ are the property and trade marks of Julia K. Cole and are protected under Copy Right Laws both here in the USA and Around The World.  

Bringing Awareness Through My Sig Tags: Breast Cancer Awareness Sig Tags 2015

About Julia K. Cole

What can you expect from someone who considers Putting Reality Back Into Spirituality a personal calling? Straight forward answers that lead to life-changing experiences on a soul level!

Known as The Empress of the Known & Unknown Universes™ and The Diva of Duct Tape, Julia has made it her personal mission to put Reality back into Spirituality™. Julia sets out to assist people in expanding their conscious awareness through her rather unique and personal take on the human experience. 

In the style of Erma Bombeck, Julia utilizes her own brand of humor and down to earth demeanor to get her messages across in an all so delightful way. 

As a writer, Julia is a virtual powerhouse of creativity.  Among Julia's literary accomplishments is  the  Children of the Luminaries  trilogy;  Book One: The Coming Storm can be purchased by clicking Here.   

Book Two  of the trilogy is due out in the Fall of 2015 and Book Three will be available in 2016.  The long anticipated ZEN of Duct Tape:  An Empress Is Born will be out in 2016.  As well as the Teddy Mitchell Chronicles.

Julia has also contributed to several other publications including Brad Steiger's  Real Zombies, The Living Dead, and Creatures of the Apocalypse  Click HERE for the review; and Marie D. Jones' Destiny vs. Choice  Click HERE    

PLEASE NOTE:  All artwork, unless otherwise specified, are the property of the individual artists themselves. The author of these blogs claims no ownership of the original artwork, but only of the sig tags created using said artwork. Each sig tag shown on these blogs include the appropriate copyright information of the Artists and the unique licensure for use.

Reproduction and copying of said work without proper authority is strictly prohibited


Unless otherwise specified, ALL articles on this Blogger are the property of Julia K. Cole.  The ZEN of Duct Tape™, it's name, teachings, modalities, and all excerpts; the nicknames The Empress of the Known & Unknown Universes™ and The Diva of Duct Tape™,  The Duct Tape Diva™; Putting Reality Back Into Spirituality™, Reality back into Spirituality™ are the property and trade marks of Julia K. Cole and are protected under Copy Right Laws both here in the USA and Around The World.  

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About Julia K. Cole

What can you expect from someone who considers Putting Reality Back Into Spirituality a personal calling? Straight forward answers that lead to life-changing experiences on a soul level!

Known as The Empress of the Known & Unknown Universes™ and The Diva of Duct Tape, Julia has made it her personal mission to put Reality back into Spirituality™. Julia sets out to assist people in expanding their conscious awareness through her rather unique and personal take on the human experience. 

In the style of Erma Bombeck, Julia utilizes her own brand of humor and down to earth demeanor to get her messages across in an all so delightful way. 

As a writer, Julia is a virtual powerhouse of creativity.  Among Julia's literary accomplishments is  the  Children of the Luminaries  trilogy;  Book One: The Coming Storm can be purchased by clicking Here.   

Book Two  of the trilogy is due out in the Fall of 2015 and Book Three will be available in 2016.  The long anticipated ZEN of Duct Tape:  An Empress Is Born will be out in 2016.  As well as the Teddy Mitchell Chronicles.

Julia has also contributed to several other publications including Brad Steiger's  Real Zombies, The Living Dead, and Creatures of the Apocalypse  Click HERE for the review; and Marie D. Jones' Destiny vs. Choice  Click HERE    

PLEASE NOTE:  All artwork, unless otherwise specified, are the property of the individual artists themselves. The author of these blogs claims no ownership of the original artwork, but only of the sig tags created using said artwork. Each sig tag shown on these blogs include the appropriate copyright information of the Artists and the unique licensure for use.

Reproduction and copying of said work without proper authority is strictly prohibited


Unless otherwise specified, ALL articles on this Blogger are the property of Julia K. Cole.  The ZEN of Duct Tape™, it's name, teachings, modalities, and all excerpts; the nicknames The Empress of the Known & Unknown Universes™ and The Diva of Duct Tape™,  The Duct Tape Diva™; Putting Reality Back Into Spirituality™, Reality back into Spirituality™ are the property and trade marks of Julia K. Cole and are protected under Copy Right Laws both here in the USA and Around The World.  

Get Your Pink ON and Help Fund Free Mammograms!

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Getting Our Pink On To Make Strides Against Breast Cancer

This year, my daughter Michaela and I are getting our Pink On for Making Strides Against Breast Cancer.

We're  Making Strides because we both  know that we'll be making  a difference in the fight to end breast cancer.  And too,  we both know that by raising funds and walking in the American Cancer Society Making Strides Against Breast Cancer event, we will help save lives from breast cancer.     

We're Making Strides To HONOR   The Survivors!  Our fallen sisters!  All  their families! And all those touched by this dreadful disease.  

We're Making Strides  to take back our collective Power!    

We're Making Strides  To help raise funds for groundbreaking research, information and services for people fighting breast cancer, and mammograms for women who need them.

My daughter and I have signed up to walk and fund raise with Making Strides Against Breast Cancer. 

 We  hope you will consider making a donation in support of our efforts. 

Click HERE to make a donation and cheer us on!

Or just copy & paste the URL below:

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Domestic Violence: Taking It Like A Man -- The Untold Story

Domestic Violence.   It's Everybody's Business!

But how many turn a deaf ear and a blind eye to it?  Sadly too many to count.

While the majority of such violence reported involved  women and children, an alarming number of men who are victims go unreported ...  even ignored.

"... activists for “men’s rights” have suggested that policy-oriented efforts for women have been misplaced, because they focus entirely on women as the victims of domestic violence. 

“men are the victims of domestic violence at least as often as women” (Brott, 1994). "

[emphasis added]

(http://new.vawnet.org/Assoc_Files_VAWnet/GenderSymmetry.pdf)

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

And we are not just talking about gay men in this regard.   Hetero-sexual men fall prey to domestic abuse as well.  You don't hear about it very often -- if at all.   Pride and shame prevent many of these men from coming forward.  Shame of not being seen as a "real" man if they are being physically beaten up or verbally assaulted.   Especially, and in particularly, if their abuser is a woman!     And for our gay brothers ... the blame for being who they are is used to guilt them into staying silent.

So, for the most part,  they all collectively suffer alone.  

But why keep quiet?  Why hide the abuse?  

 

Like women, men go through the same emotional ups and downs, blaming themselves, taking on the responsibility of their partner's abusive behavior.  Men share the same type of shame for allowing it to happen, the same type of guilt for not being good enough and so on.   The same helplessness and hopelessness is shared.   Like women, men who are abused undergo all the above.  However, unlike women, men who are victimized deal  with one additional burden ... gender stereo typing. 

Men who are abused by women often suffer in silence. In addition to the shame shared by many women victims of domestic violence, men must overcome gender stereotypes. 

The emotional scars cannot be seen; and the physical scars are laughed off and/or lied about.  The pain and anguish is compounded when they hear someone say ... "take it like a man!"

Take it like a man -- meaning --  Take your licks and count yourself lucky you are still breathing and able to walk around!  You're a man after all!

Too many of our men have suffered at the hands of their abusers for far too long.  They take the abuse for one reason or another  -- "taking it like a man", as it were, for fear of being seen less than what they truly are. 

*~*~*~*

Growing up, I witnessed domestic violence first hand.   Both parents abusing each other -- verbally and physically.  But whenever the police came ... it was always my father they arrested.  Why?  Because he was the man!  They saw his injuries as something he deserved and/or something he was expected to take.  Adding insult to injury --- they viewed it as my mother defending herself each and every time.  Little did they know (or even cared) ... a good percentage of those injuries my father incurred over the years were due to my mother hitting him first!  And most of the time without little to no provocation!

But daddy took it like the man he was!  And he suffered quietly through the emotional turmoil, through the hurtful and spiteful jabs made by neighbors,  friends and family members.

There were only a few instances where daddy did get physical with mother.  The first incident was when Mother came at him with a butcher knife.  During an attempt to wretch it from her hand, daddy broke her little finger.   The second incident occurred a little over a year later, when she came after him with a baseball bat.  She had swung at him, barely missing his head.  Daddy turned around, grabbed mother and slammed her against a solid wood door, bruising her entire back.  Out of anger, frustration and no doubt abject fear, daddy punched his fist through the closet door.

Though it was in true self-defense, daddy  was arrested for both incidents.   And while I don't condone his actions (and neither did he), I can see why he did it -- why he had to.

When I was grown, I asked my father why he took it.  He told me ... that's what a real man does.  Crying about it makes you weak!  So you take it like a man and keep moving forward--hoping one day it will get better!

And then you have men who go to jail -- for literally not doing anything -- but was incarcerated  for the lies the woman in his life has told.     The law took the woman's side -- even when the man had visible injuries!

*~*~*~*

Working in the legal field, I witnessed a great deal of injustice against men.    One case  that stands out in my mind was "Charles" -- a long time  client and colleague who came to our office early one morning.  His dark handsome face was bruised, his left eye swollen shut, his right arm in a cast.   Every step he made was agony.  He had sustained a broken arm,  several fractured ribs and a sprang ankle.   Looking at him, one would immediately  assume he had been in some kind of auto accident.    Sadly, he was a victim of domestic violence.   

His wife of three years had been  beating him on a regular basis.      While  the physical injuries were, on average, sustained monthly --- the verbal and emotional abuse had been taking place daily  (we found this out during our investigation).

This case happened nearly 16 years ago  and I will never forget what my boss told "Charles" when he came in.  "I hope you packed your tooth brush pal!  'Cause you and I both know you're going to jail today!"  

And he did.   Though his wife never sustained so much as a scratch, and all medical records of his injuries were provided -- "Charles" was sentenced to one year for domestic abuse!

The lies  told were criminal all unto itself.  But the  literal miscarriage of justice in this particular instance was more than unbelievable -- it was unimaginable!

So why was "Charles" jailed for domestic violence?  Most men, by appearance only,  are seen intimidating and/or threatening.     I believe this was the case with "Charles".   I feel and truly believe that because of his nearly seven foot, lean 205 pound  athletic stature, he was deemed threatening to most people and his wife was a mere 5'2 and 98 pounds,  it was always assumed that "Charles" was the abuser.  Because  "Charles" was a man he was always seen as the perpetrator of any and all domestic disputes.

On the flip-side ... his appearance worked against him in other ways.  How so?  Most men (and women) saw  "Charles"  as a wuss, a sissy for allowing the abuse to take place.  After all ... he was the man!  And a giant of a man to boot!

For "Charles" and men like him ... it was a no win situation.

Sadly -- similar (or worse) cases happens all too often.    

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

The good news is ... (if you can call it that) the laws are changing.  Albeit ever so slowly.  But they are changing in regards to how domestic violence is being handled by our legal system.

But they can only change and improve if we arm ourselves with knowledge and awareness.    The laws can only change and improve if we ourselves change and improve the way we view one another!

Remembering first and foremost that we are human beings -- men and women.

I urge you to  join together in bringing an end to this type of violence for both genders--irregardless of their sexual orientation!      But most importantly, I ask that all of you -- both ladies and  gentlemen --Keep in mind that men are human beings too!  They are just as vulnerable to the same feelings we women have.   They are  susceptible to the same injuries inflicted as we would be.    They need to know that we do not look down on them for  enduring such atrocities.  We don't see them less than a man for going through these traumas.

And as for you men ...  Stand up and let your voices be heard!

For you macho types ... get over yourselves!  

If you know of anyone -- be they male or female -- Gay, Straight or Bi -- who is living with domestic violence ... please make an effort to help.   I am Not asking you to put your life on the line ... there are people you can call, services you can offer to the abused in ways no one has to know.   But don't just stand there and do nothing!

If you are someone who is currently living with domestic violence ... SPEAK UP!  REACH OUT!   There are people out there ready, willing and able to help you.

If you are a man living with domestic violence or know someone who is ... there are places to go and people who will assist you.   No judgments ... only understanding & compassion.  

Please don't suffer in silence!  

Below I have listed a few sites and resources, as well as articles on male victims of domestic violence.   Pass them along to those in need.     Together we can raise awareness so no one need suffer ever again!

Domestic Violence.   It's Everybody's Business!

Resources:

National Domestic Abuse Hotline:  thehotline.org

1.800.799.SAFE (7233) 1.800.787.3224 (TTY)
Anonymous & Confidential Help 24/7

http://www.menweb.org/battered/ 

http://www.batteredmen.com/bathelp.htm  ~ filled with articles and other resources.

S.A.F.E. (http://www.safe4all.org) concentrates on domestic violence against straight men, gay men, and lesbian women, because few services exist for these groups.

 

Articles of Interest:

http://www.ncdsv.org/publications_malevictims.html

http://menshealth.about.com/od/relationships/a/Battered_Men.htm

http://www.aardvarc.org/dv/malevictims.shtml