Cranial Uppitus Gluteus Maximus Dysfunction. More commonly known as, Head Stuck Up Your Ass Syndrome. This is one of the most common dis-eases known to humankind. There are no pills or serum to cure this malady. Nor are there any modern conventional medical means in which to have it surgically repaired. At least not yet!
But do not fall into despair my fellow earth travelers! There is hope! In fact, many are taking the opportunity to self-heal themselves by moving with the energies of a shifting process. This shifting process is none other than … The ASS-cension.
The ASS-cension is the process of pulling one’s head out of one’s ass. And thankfully it is a process that all human experiencers will go through ---eventually. No exceptions!
Right now, the entire population of human experiencers are currently in the state of ASS-cending on various levels. Sadly, those who have succeeded in completely yanking their heads out of that tight fitting hole are in the minority. So few are their numbers, we can’t even begin to give you an estimate of how many there are.
Those who accomplished in pulling their heads out, only to shove it back in --rank among one-third of the world’s population. Leaving the largest numbers of those who still have that noggin of theirs stuffed up their bung hole slightly under two-thirds.
Thoughts are energy. And where thoughts go -- energy flows. ~Louise L. Hay
Everything here in the physical plane is affected by all things in what we loosely refer to as the “spiritual plane.” And vice-versa. For you non-spiritual types -- please note that it has been scientifically proven that all things on the physical plane are made up of various types energies. As such, everything and everyone is connected energetically. To what degree this connection is felt is dependant upon the individual’s conscious awareness. And too, and perhaps most importantly, how far individuals are willing to both acknowledge and subsequently accept this common fact.
Resistance is futile! ~ The Borg, Star Trek the Next Generation.
Resistance is the primary cause for Cranial Uppitus Gluteus Maximus Dysfunction. The more you resist, the worse the symptoms of the dysfunction persists.
The signs of Cranial Uppitus Gluteus Maximus Dysfunction are easily recognizable and are as follows:
The ASS-cension Symptoms
You may note a few of the symptoms are somewhat similar to Cranial Uppitus Gluteus Maximus Dysfunction. However, the difference in symptoms of The ASS-cension process are temporary. So long as you keep your head out of your ass.
Chronic Head, neck and back pain. Don’t worry. This is temporary. Keep in mind you have had your head rammed up your bung hole for most of your physical earth life. Stiffness and soreness is to be expected.
Advice: Chiropractic and/or Reiki treatment, some low impact Yoga or Tai Chi, conscious breathing techniques, a good massage will help these particular symptoms dissipate over time.
Blurry vision, hearing loss, ringing in the ears, difficulties focusing on anything. Talking nonsense, speech sometimes slurred. Unable to see anything with clarity. Bumping into things, experiencing all types of non-fatal accidents (inside and outside the home) such as running into furniture, walls, telephone poles, other people, tripping up a flight of stairs, missing that last step, etc.
All of these are temporary side effects. In the beginning, there will be a great deal of fecal ridden energies to clear away from our energetic bodies. During this particular part of the process, both our physical and energetic bodies, are covered from head to toe in energetic feces (again if you literally imagine being covered in shit, you’ll get the idea how it is). It may take numerous cleansings before any of these symptoms completely clear up. You may find that various methods are in order to clear away all the built up fecal residue.
Find what works for you and stick with it! Again, being persistent and consistent is the key to clearing away the residual fecal energies. Patience is required.
Advice: Practice focusing on and becoming more aware of your surroundings. This will limit the number of times you hurt yourself. You don't need any special techniques for this -- just SLOW DOWN!
Unable to stay in any type of unhealthy relationships. No matter who it is with. Perhaps one of the most challenging of the “symptoms” is this one. It is in our nature to yearn for acceptance and intimacy with others. During the process of clearing away the fecal matter from our energetic bodies, we begin to accept ourselves as being worthy.
You know you have reached a measure of clean when that “A-HA!” moment hits you.
That “A-Ha!” moment is when you finally feel the Love enveloping you, taking you over, replenishing you, filling you up to the brim and pouring out. The “A-Ha!” moment is when you finally stand up, acknowledge and accept your worth. It is in that moment you can … and do… believe you have much more value and worth than what others have placed on you. It is in that moment you shout -- I Love My Self! I Respect My Self! I Accept My Self! I Am Worthy! I love my Self too much to allow any one to treat me less than my worth!
Your acceptance of Your Self -- allows you to step away from unhealthy relationships. Yes, it will be painful. You will find yourself at a loss. This is a normal reaction to pulling your head free from your ass! It is perfectly normal to feel lost and alone before the “A-Ha!” moment sets in. After all, you have spent a very long time digesting shit, seeing shit, listening to shit and speaking shit. It’s only natural that you are a little discombobulated in the beginning!
Talking without making much sense, speech sometimes slurred, inability to speak. This is temporary. As you clear your energetic ears and mouth of all that energetic feces, you will notice you have very little to say. And what you do say may feel like gibberish to you. This will pass as you continue to clear away the muck.
Once again, it is very important that you keep in mind that you have spent a very long time speaking shit and listening to others speak shit. It’s only natural that you can’t understand what is going on most of the time in the non-fecal matter realms!
Advice: Practice speaking with your spirit family. This helps you grow accustomed to your new “manure free” language. Once you are ready, seek out others who are consciously processing The ASS-cension and see what it’s like to hold intelligent, shit free, conversations!
Forgetfulness. Easily distracted at times. This is temporary. Up to this point, your head was filled with nothing but dung. Now that you have dumped it all -- the physical brain is forced to recalibrate, reprogram and reboot. As the physical body reboots and makes itself ready for full integration with the energetic body, you will experience forgetfulness on a regular basis. In the meantime, the spirit body has much of the control. It is very important to keep in mind that The energetic (spirit) body has no interest in such mundane earthly practices such as going to the bathroom, paying bills, eating and drinking, etc. So forgetting what you went to the kitchen for or not remembering why you are at the store, etc. is perfectly natural during this particular time.
Once the rebooting process is complete, and both bodies have integrated, your memories will be clearer than ever! And what you don’t remember isn’t important. So don’t sweat it! The collective bodies have deemed it necessary to “flush out” what no longer serves you during your human experience.
Advice: It is very important during this time to search out methods that enhance your focus. Meditation is quite useful, especially during the rebooting procedures. Taking long walks, exercising, Yoga, Tai Chi or any other form of physical activity that enhances good muscle tone and cardiovascular improvement is essential to improved oxygen flow. This in turns enhances the physical brain to function at a higher capacity.
Mind expansion. Detachment. Comprehension, Understanding, Compassion. Willingness to Forgive.
Yea! These are just a few of the wondrous attributes that come with consciously working the ASS-cension.
As you work through this ASS-cension, you will begin to see others a little more clearly. Both literally and energetically. As you continue to clear away the fecal matter from your energetic eyes, you will notice how easily it is to see past anyone’s bullshit. You actually start seeing them as they really are. As you do, you will note a deep heart felt compassion for them. Don’t resist it. Allow it to flow through you.
Your understanding of other points of view become easier for you now. While they may be speaking in terms that you do not resonate fully with -- you now comprehend where they are coming from. Arguing and pushing your points on others no longer interest you as they once did. Finding yourself in a state of detachment, you are now able to dialogue with others with whom you disagree … minus all the anger and fuss.
You discover your awareness (a.k.a. Freeze Dried BULL shit meter) has become more acute and accurate. This in turn, helps you bypass any unnecessary arguments. And too, defrays any bruising of the false ego which could lead to your head going back up your ass.
You now understand the true meaning of forgiveness and practice it daily. First with your Self and then with others.
You now completely understand and comprehend that all are doing exactly what they came here to do. That all (no exceptions) are spirit beings having a human experience. That everything, whether you agree with it or not, are opportunities for growth and for learning. Your understanding and comprehension of this is widening -- deepening. As this process continues to occur -- you notice yet another "A-Ha!" moment. This is the "I Get It" A-Ha moment! This is where you finally do “get it." "IT" being the clarity of the truth that has been spoken to you for what seems to be eons!
"It" being the words of ASS-cenders who came before you. Their words now ring true in your heart, soul and mind.
The phrases: Do all you know to do to the best of your abilities. And after that -- do nothing. (You get that now!)
Change what you can and what is in your power to change -- leaving behind those things you cannot. And having the wisdom to know the difference. (You get that as well!)
Being the change you wish to see in the world. (Awwwwrighteeee! You finally get that too!)
You finally "Get IT" --- all of "IT" -- because the crap isn't clogging up your eyes or ears now! You can see and hear without interference. All this leads to the beautiful experience of your physical mind integrating and connecting with the spiritual/energetic mind. This is what is known as … Mind Expansion.
Pretty cool … huh? Of course, these are only a few of the "symptoms" of The ASS-cension. But We thought you would enjoy a ... heads up ... in order to understand what is happening to you! *LOL*
As stated above -- Being Persistent and Consistent is your greatest allies during The ASS-cension!
It isn’t easy -- no one said it would be. But as long as you remember, and keep in mind, that it is a step by step process. And of course, most importantly -- please Remember that Persistence in resistance keeps your head stuck. Keep this all in your memory and You’ll do just fine!
So relax. Be gentle. Show your Self Love & Kindness -- And allow.
Excerpt from: The ZEN of Duct Tape: An Empress Is Born.
But do not fall into despair my fellow earth travelers! There is hope! In fact, many are taking the opportunity to self-heal themselves by moving with the energies of a shifting process. This shifting process is none other than … The ASS-cension.
The ASS-cension is the process of pulling one’s head out of one’s ass. And thankfully it is a process that all human experiencers will go through ---eventually. No exceptions!
Right now, the entire population of human experiencers are currently in the state of ASS-cending on various levels. Sadly, those who have succeeded in completely yanking their heads out of that tight fitting hole are in the minority. So few are their numbers, we can’t even begin to give you an estimate of how many there are.
Those who accomplished in pulling their heads out, only to shove it back in --rank among one-third of the world’s population. Leaving the largest numbers of those who still have that noggin of theirs stuffed up their bung hole slightly under two-thirds.
Thoughts are energy. And where thoughts go -- energy flows. ~Louise L. Hay
Everything here in the physical plane is affected by all things in what we loosely refer to as the “spiritual plane.” And vice-versa. For you non-spiritual types -- please note that it has been scientifically proven that all things on the physical plane are made up of various types energies. As such, everything and everyone is connected energetically. To what degree this connection is felt is dependant upon the individual’s conscious awareness. And too, and perhaps most importantly, how far individuals are willing to both acknowledge and subsequently accept this common fact.
Resistance is futile! ~ The Borg, Star Trek the Next Generation.
Resistance is the primary cause for Cranial Uppitus Gluteus Maximus Dysfunction. The more you resist, the worse the symptoms of the dysfunction persists.
The signs of Cranial Uppitus Gluteus Maximus Dysfunction are easily recognizable and are as follows:
- Chronic Head, neck and back pain.
- Blurry vision, hearing loss, difficulties focusing on anything. Unable to literally see or comprehend anything with clarity.
- Talking nonsense, speech sometimes slurred.
- Unreasonable, illogical, argumentative and irrational. Prone to bouts of hysteria.
- Close-minded and narrow-minded. Extreme cynicism. Intolerant of others. Arrogant and aloof.
- Bumping into things, experiencing all types of non-fatal accidents (inside and outside the home) such as running into furniture, walls, telephone poles, other people, tripping up a flight of stairs, missing that last step, etc.
- Excessive lying, nit-picking, gossiping, slandering, and back stabbing. Commonly known as “talking shit.”
- Unable to stay in healthy relationships.
- Constant state of anger.
- Cut off from all things spiritual. No perception of energies.
The ASS-cension Symptoms
You may note a few of the symptoms are somewhat similar to Cranial Uppitus Gluteus Maximus Dysfunction. However, the difference in symptoms of The ASS-cension process are temporary. So long as you keep your head out of your ass.
**~**~**~**
Chronic Head, neck and back pain. Don’t worry. This is temporary. Keep in mind you have had your head rammed up your bung hole for most of your physical earth life. Stiffness and soreness is to be expected.
Advice: Chiropractic and/or Reiki treatment, some low impact Yoga or Tai Chi, conscious breathing techniques, a good massage will help these particular symptoms dissipate over time.
Blurry vision, hearing loss, ringing in the ears, difficulties focusing on anything. Talking nonsense, speech sometimes slurred. Unable to see anything with clarity. Bumping into things, experiencing all types of non-fatal accidents (inside and outside the home) such as running into furniture, walls, telephone poles, other people, tripping up a flight of stairs, missing that last step, etc.
All of these are temporary side effects. In the beginning, there will be a great deal of fecal ridden energies to clear away from our energetic bodies. During this particular part of the process, both our physical and energetic bodies, are covered from head to toe in energetic feces (again if you literally imagine being covered in shit, you’ll get the idea how it is). It may take numerous cleansings before any of these symptoms completely clear up. You may find that various methods are in order to clear away all the built up fecal residue.
Find what works for you and stick with it! Again, being persistent and consistent is the key to clearing away the residual fecal energies. Patience is required.
Advice: Practice focusing on and becoming more aware of your surroundings. This will limit the number of times you hurt yourself. You don't need any special techniques for this -- just SLOW DOWN!
Unable to stay in any type of unhealthy relationships. No matter who it is with. Perhaps one of the most challenging of the “symptoms” is this one. It is in our nature to yearn for acceptance and intimacy with others. During the process of clearing away the fecal matter from our energetic bodies, we begin to accept ourselves as being worthy.
You know you have reached a measure of clean when that “A-HA!” moment hits you.
That “A-Ha!” moment is when you finally feel the Love enveloping you, taking you over, replenishing you, filling you up to the brim and pouring out. The “A-Ha!” moment is when you finally stand up, acknowledge and accept your worth. It is in that moment you can … and do… believe you have much more value and worth than what others have placed on you. It is in that moment you shout -- I Love My Self! I Respect My Self! I Accept My Self! I Am Worthy! I love my Self too much to allow any one to treat me less than my worth!
Your acceptance of Your Self -- allows you to step away from unhealthy relationships. Yes, it will be painful. You will find yourself at a loss. This is a normal reaction to pulling your head free from your ass! It is perfectly normal to feel lost and alone before the “A-Ha!” moment sets in. After all, you have spent a very long time digesting shit, seeing shit, listening to shit and speaking shit. It’s only natural that you are a little discombobulated in the beginning!
Talking without making much sense, speech sometimes slurred, inability to speak. This is temporary. As you clear your energetic ears and mouth of all that energetic feces, you will notice you have very little to say. And what you do say may feel like gibberish to you. This will pass as you continue to clear away the muck.
Once again, it is very important that you keep in mind that you have spent a very long time speaking shit and listening to others speak shit. It’s only natural that you can’t understand what is going on most of the time in the non-fecal matter realms!
Advice: Practice speaking with your spirit family. This helps you grow accustomed to your new “manure free” language. Once you are ready, seek out others who are consciously processing The ASS-cension and see what it’s like to hold intelligent, shit free, conversations!
Forgetfulness. Easily distracted at times. This is temporary. Up to this point, your head was filled with nothing but dung. Now that you have dumped it all -- the physical brain is forced to recalibrate, reprogram and reboot. As the physical body reboots and makes itself ready for full integration with the energetic body, you will experience forgetfulness on a regular basis. In the meantime, the spirit body has much of the control. It is very important to keep in mind that The energetic (spirit) body has no interest in such mundane earthly practices such as going to the bathroom, paying bills, eating and drinking, etc. So forgetting what you went to the kitchen for or not remembering why you are at the store, etc. is perfectly natural during this particular time.
Once the rebooting process is complete, and both bodies have integrated, your memories will be clearer than ever! And what you don’t remember isn’t important. So don’t sweat it! The collective bodies have deemed it necessary to “flush out” what no longer serves you during your human experience.
Advice: It is very important during this time to search out methods that enhance your focus. Meditation is quite useful, especially during the rebooting procedures. Taking long walks, exercising, Yoga, Tai Chi or any other form of physical activity that enhances good muscle tone and cardiovascular improvement is essential to improved oxygen flow. This in turns enhances the physical brain to function at a higher capacity.
Mind expansion. Detachment. Comprehension, Understanding, Compassion. Willingness to Forgive.
Yea! These are just a few of the wondrous attributes that come with consciously working the ASS-cension.
As you work through this ASS-cension, you will begin to see others a little more clearly. Both literally and energetically. As you continue to clear away the fecal matter from your energetic eyes, you will notice how easily it is to see past anyone’s bullshit. You actually start seeing them as they really are. As you do, you will note a deep heart felt compassion for them. Don’t resist it. Allow it to flow through you.
Your understanding of other points of view become easier for you now. While they may be speaking in terms that you do not resonate fully with -- you now comprehend where they are coming from. Arguing and pushing your points on others no longer interest you as they once did. Finding yourself in a state of detachment, you are now able to dialogue with others with whom you disagree … minus all the anger and fuss.
You discover your awareness (a.k.a. Freeze Dried BULL shit meter) has become more acute and accurate. This in turn, helps you bypass any unnecessary arguments. And too, defrays any bruising of the false ego which could lead to your head going back up your ass.
You now understand the true meaning of forgiveness and practice it daily. First with your Self and then with others.
You now completely understand and comprehend that all are doing exactly what they came here to do. That all (no exceptions) are spirit beings having a human experience. That everything, whether you agree with it or not, are opportunities for growth and for learning. Your understanding and comprehension of this is widening -- deepening. As this process continues to occur -- you notice yet another "A-Ha!" moment. This is the "I Get It" A-Ha moment! This is where you finally do “get it." "IT" being the clarity of the truth that has been spoken to you for what seems to be eons!
"It" being the words of ASS-cenders who came before you. Their words now ring true in your heart, soul and mind.
The phrases: Do all you know to do to the best of your abilities. And after that -- do nothing. (You get that now!)
Change what you can and what is in your power to change -- leaving behind those things you cannot. And having the wisdom to know the difference. (You get that as well!)
Being the change you wish to see in the world. (Awwwwrighteeee! You finally get that too!)
You finally "Get IT" --- all of "IT" -- because the crap isn't clogging up your eyes or ears now! You can see and hear without interference. All this leads to the beautiful experience of your physical mind integrating and connecting with the spiritual/energetic mind. This is what is known as … Mind Expansion.
Pretty cool … huh? Of course, these are only a few of the "symptoms" of The ASS-cension. But We thought you would enjoy a ... heads up ... in order to understand what is happening to you! *LOL*
As stated above -- Being Persistent and Consistent is your greatest allies during The ASS-cension!
It isn’t easy -- no one said it would be. But as long as you remember, and keep in mind, that it is a step by step process. And of course, most importantly -- please Remember that Persistence in resistance keeps your head stuck. Keep this all in your memory and You’ll do just fine!
So relax. Be gentle. Show your Self Love & Kindness -- And allow.
Excerpt from: The ZEN of Duct Tape: An Empress Is Born.
Known as The Empress of the Known & Unknown Universes™ and The Diva of Duct Tape, Julia has made it her personal mission to put Reality back into Spirituality™.
Julia sets out to assist people in expanding their conscious awareness through her rather unique and personal take on the human experience.
In the style of Erma Bombeck, Julia utilizes her own brand of humor and down to earth demeanor to get her messages across in an all so delightful way.
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