The person who hurt you either
- Isn’t aware they have hurt you;
- Doesn’t care they hurt you;
- Has forgotten about the incident and moved on;
- Sleeps very well at night
- Has no issues with indigestion, headaches, back pain or any other kind of pain
- Is convinced you are in desperate need of getting a life, getting laid or both
- Has steady relationships and a job
- Has no addictions or disorders
- Can hold a steady personal relationship/keep a job
You on the other hand …
- Can remember every detail of the incident and every syllable uttered;
- Have developed various types of ailments, joint pains, suffer from headaches, backaches, a wide variety of physical, mental and/or emotional health issues;
- Are angry, resentful and mistrustful;
- Either can’t sleep or sleeps way too much
- Now has an eating disorder
- Suffering from memory loss --huge chunks of your life is missing
- Has some sort of addiction (alcohol, drugs, sex, spending, gambling, food)
- Can’t hold down a job/Can’t keep a steady personal relationship
- Difficulty in focusing on anything outside the pain and suffering
- Suffers from Low self-esteem and self-worth
While these may not apply to every individual reading this -- I am willing to wager most of it does ring some bells!
So considering all the above -- seeing it in black and white -- do you still believe you are really making “they” -- “them” -- “that person” suffer by holding on to your pain? You think/believe that you are exacting revenge by living your life in misery?
They -- who/whom ever “they” are -- are not suffering from what happened. They’re free! You on the other hand-- are in a prison of your own making! YOU are the one suffering -- not them! You are the one punishing you!
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
- Forgiveness is not the condoning of the actions that initiated the pain and suffering you experienced.
- Forgiveness is not forgetting anything that transpired -- but reaching a state of mind where you can see those actions from an objective view point without any adverse reactions.
- Forgiveness is the refusal to carry the pain and suffering those actions initiated.
- Forgiveness is the release of the pain and suffering you have carried throughout your human experience.
It is painfully obvious that the majority of people do not know the difference between forgetting and releasing. No doubt this is perhaps one of the main reasons people are so skittish when it comes to forgiving.
Forgive and Forget?
Many have been taught that in order to reach a true state of forgiveness -- one must totally forget everything that happened to them. This is a gross misconception that has been passed down by those who didn’t know any better.
To “forgive and forget” means to -- release that pain from your being! Release yourself and be free! Forget all about holding on to all that suffering -- holding all that pain!
It does NOT mean forget the incident itself! Again, the forgetting portion of "Forgive & Forget is -- forget all that clinging -- forget all that grasping -- forget all that holding on -- to that which no longer serves you! Forget that which no longer serves you and remember only what you have learned from the event(s). Release the pain and be Free!
This is the true meaning behind the phrase “forgive and forget.”
*~*~*~*~*~*
Interesting thing about human experiencers -- they hold on to their pain and suffering as though it were a matter of life and death. They justify clinging to their pain and suffering by relieving the incidents that transpired. Caught up in their fears -- they can’t see what they have learned from any of the situations. They can’t see past those incidents. They refuse to let them go for whatever reason. During the course of their human journey, they will go as far as reinventing the situation over and over again in their day to day life.
So and so did this or that-- said this or that. They hurt me. They should be made to pay for this, that or the other thing. I’m a victim! I’m in pain! I can’t let go because they hurt me!
I can’t let go because they hurt me!
I have to remember what they did so they will pay for it! So they will see my suffering and they will be sorry!
I’m sick! I have this or that pain! I have this or that disease. All because because they hurt me! I’m making them pay with my physical, emotional and mental pain! I can’t let go yet -- it doesn’t matter if I can’t sleep or sleep too much. It doesn’t matter if I eat too much or can’t eat or keep anything down! I have to do this because they hurt me!
They are going to pay for my suffering! I won’t let it go until they pay for hurting me! Even if it cost me my happiness -- and my life-- they are going to pay -- because they hurt me!
While a bit dramatic -- the above statements are more true than many of you reading this realize or even admit.
“I can’t! (or “I won’t) Because they hurt me!” Each and every time I bring up forgiveness -- 9 times out of 10 -- I will get this particular reply. Sadly, I hear it a lot! Sadder still -- each of these people who refuse to forgive suffer from a number of physical, emotional and mental maladies. To add insult to injury -- the majority of them can’t keep a steady personal relationship. And while many of them will admit they are holding grudges (i.e. their pain and suffering) -- they refuse to forgive!
For those of you who can’t and/or won’t forgive -- because “they” hurt you … I urge you once again to Consider This ...
The person who hurt you either
- Isn’t aware they have hurt you;
- Doesn’t care they hurt you;
- Has forgotten about the incident and moved on;
- Sleeps very well at night
- Has no issues with indigestion, headaches, back pain or any other kind of pain
- Is convinced you are in desperate need of getting a life or getting laid or both
- Has steady relationships and a job
- Has no addictions or disorders
- Can hold a steady personal relationship/keep a job
You on the other hand …
- Can remember every detail of the incident and every syllable uttered;
- Have developed various types of ailments, joint pains, suffer from headaches, backaches, a wide variety of physical, mental and/or emotional health issues;
- Are angry, resentful and mistrustful;
- Either can’t sleep or sleeps way too much
- Now has an eating disorder
- Suffering from memory loss --huge chunks of your life is missing
- Has some sort of addiction (alcohol, drugs, sex, spending, gambling, food)
- Can’t hold down a job/Can’t keep a steady personal relationship
- Difficulty in focusing on anything outside the pain and suffering
- Suffers from Low self-esteem and self-worth
*~*~*~*~*
Release yourself. Not by forgetting what happened to you -- but by refusing to carry that pain and suffering inflicted on you. Release yourself by remembering the lessons these incidents brought to you. Take that and start living your life in freedom!
It is said … the best revenge is Living Well! Nothing pisses that "other person" off more -- than seeing you living happy and well! And seeing how most of us are attempting to make that "other person" pay for the pain and suffering they inflicted -- well why not try something different? Why not try living well -- and stop living in Hell!?
As long as you insist on the “I can’t let go because they hurt me!” mindset -- you will never be free! You will continue to be their victim -- their slave-- their prisoner!
Your choice! After all -- it is your life … or is it?
I will leave you with the question posed to me by my spirit companion Antari …
“What is more important to you? Your pain and suffering or your peace and joy?”
Namaste!
About Julia K. Cole
Known as The Empress of the Known & Unknown Universes™ and The Duct Tape Diva, Julia has made it her personal mission to put Reality back into Spirituality. Julia sets out to assist people in expanding their conscious awareness through her rather unique and personal take on the human experience. In the style of Erma Bombeck, Julia utilizes her own brand of humor and down to earth demeanor to get her messages across in an all so delightful way.
