9 Qualities Of Truly Confident People

Here is a list of qualities of Truly confident people-- the qualities they all have in common. 

This is a great read as it makes you think about the people in your life (confident vs potentially cocky) and how you can grow as a person and leader. I encourage you to check out the 9 qualities below (some aren't as obvious as others) and be sure to check out the full post here. 

1. They take a stand not because they think they are always right… but because they are not afraid to be wrong.

Cocky and conceited people tend to take a position and then proclaim, bluster, and totally disregard differing opinions or points of view. Their behavior isn’t a sign of confidence, though; it’s the hallmark of an intellectual bully. 

Truly confident people don’t mind being proven wrong. They feel finding out what is right is a lot more important than being right. 

2. They listen ten times more than they speak.

Bragging is a mask for insecurity. 

Truly confident people are quiet and unassuming. They already know what they think; they want to know what you think. So they ask open-ended questions that give other people the freedom to be thoughtful and introspective: 

3. They duck the spotlight so it shines on others.

Truly confident people don’t care – at least they don’t show it. (Inside they’re proud, as well they should be.) Truly confident people don’t need the glory; they know what they’ve achieved. They don’t need the validation of others, because true validation comes from within. So they stand back and celebrate their accomplishments through others.

4. They freely ask for help.

Confident people are secure enough to admit a weakness. So they often ask others for help, not only because they are secure enough to admit they need help but also because they know that when they seek help they pay the person they ask a huge compliment. 

5. They think, “Why not me?”

Many people feel they have to wait: To be promoted, to be hired, to be selected, to be chosen... like the old Hollywood cliché, to somehow be discovered. Truly confident people know that access is almost universal. They can connect with almost anyone through social media. They know they can attract their own funding, create their own products, build their own relationships and networks, choose their own path – they can choose to follow whatever course they wish.

6. They don't put down other people.

The only comparison a truly confident person makes is to the person she was yesterday – and to the person she hopes to someday become.

7. They aren’t afraid to look silly…

When you’re truly confident, you don’t mind occasionally being in a situation where you aren't at your best. And oddly enough, people tend to respect you more when you do – not less.)

8. … And they own their mistakes.

Insecurity tends to breed artificiality; confidence breeds sincerity and honesty. That’s why truly confident people admit their mistakes. When you’re truly confident, you don’t mind occasionally “looking bad.” You realize that that when you’re genuine and unpretentious, people don’t laugh at you. They laugh with you.

9. They only seek approval from the people who really matter.

You say you have 10k Twitter followers? Swell. 20k Facebook friends? Cool. But that also pales in comparison to earning the trust and respect of the few people in your life that truly matter. When we earn their trust and respect, no matter where we go or what we try, we do it with true confidence.

What do you think? What would you add to the list? 

Source:  Post entitled 9 Qualities of Truly Confident People by Amy DeWolf 

Are You Guilty of These 7 Deadly "Thinking" Sins?

Chances are, what you've been THINKING over the past two weeks is a likely indicator of how the coming year will shape up for you.

So before you get too far into this amazing year ahead, I've come up with the "7 Deadly THINKING Sins" for you today and wanted to explore them with you.

Here they are and the perspective you need to take steps to eliminate them:

1. "I'll do it tomorrow." The truth is you're never going to feel like doing what needs to be done. We all fool ourselves into thinking there will be a better time in the near future.

* Anything you're putting off isn't going to get any easier.

* The most successful people are very good at taking care of the most important tasks at hand. Some things are uncomfortable, and it's necessary to push through that discomfort. Start with baby steps and build up your tolerance for addressing what challenges you most!

2. "I can't do this. I can't stick with anything." If you don't think you can do something, you'll probably prove yourself right. This is especially true with the big stuff.

* Remember that it's not about discipline. It's really about focus, motivation and mindset.

* Tell yourself that you can do it. Remind yourself that it's more about getting motivated and applying yourself consistently. Discipline is only a good tool in the short-term. Limit yourself to one big goal and get excited about it.

3. Thinking that someone else's success impacts you negatively. It's erroneous to believe that only a limited number of people can be successful. There's room for everyone.

* It might be lonelier at the top, but that doesn't mean there isn't room for you. You can be successful too.

* When others do well, you're actually better off being happy for them. You can examine their success and learn from it. You'll also come to realize that other truly successful people will be happy when you succeed as well.

4. "It's too late for me." We all have missed opportunities from our past, but that doesn't mean it's too late. People in their 60's have attended medical school and law school. Others don't get married or have children until later in life.

* Some things do take a significant amount of time to achieve, but that doesn't mean you can't get started today.

5. "I'll never be successful." Everyone fails at something along the way to success. The good news is that failure can be the best way to learn. But focusing on your failures just causes you to feel bad all the time.

* Focus your attention on your successes. Look back over your past and remember all the times you were successful. Make a list of your past successes and add your new successes to the list as they happen.

6. "Why is this happening again?" Unpleasant things just happen. It's a normal part of life. However, just like our failures, if we spend our time dwelling on them, we make ourselves miserable and attract more of that misery.

* We all suffer at times, but that suffering passes and makes room for positive things. Avoid dwelling on the negative and look forward to better times.

7. "I can be happy once I have (accomplished or earned) ______." It's unreasonable to hold yourself back from happiness until you've achieved some milestone. Unfortunately, once that goal is reached, there are more goals that follow. Putting off your happiness can become a harmful
habit.

* It's important to learn to be happy with where you are and what you have. That doesn't mean you have to be completely satisfied or become complacent, but you might as well be happy in the meantime.  Negative thoughts have a tremendous impact on your happiness and success.

Article by Intuitive Life Coach, Speaker Author Stephanie Mulac

Stephanie Mulac Email: mulacsites@gmail.com

Cyber Hygiene and Top Security Controls

In this digital age, we rely on our computers and devices for so many aspects of our lives that the need to be proactive and vigilant to protect against cyber threats has never been greater. However, in order to be as secure as  possible, we need to use good cyber hygiene – that is, making sure we are protecting and maintaining systems  and devices appropriately and using cyber security best practices.

Many key best practices are outlined in the Top 20 Critical Security Controls, managed by the Council on CyberSecurity. These Controls assist in mitigating the most prevalent vulnerabilities that often result in many of  today's cyber security intrusions and incidents. The Center for Internet Security (CIS) provides free, PDF-formatted  configuration guides (Benchmarks) that can be used to implement the Controls and improve cyber security.

Secure Your Wireless Network 
Before the days of wireless (Wi-Fi) home networks, it was rather easy to see who was linked into your home network; you could simply follow the wires. You wouldn’t allow a stranger to connect to your network, so check to  see who is connected to your wireless network. The first step is to lock down your wireless network with a strong  password and encryption. This will prevent people who don’t have the password from connecting to your network.

While there are fewer wires to follow, you can still follow some digital breadcrumbs to see who is connected to your  network. Connect to your router (for more information refer to the manufacturer’s user guide) to see who the clients  (the connected devices) are. Are there more devices connected to your network than you expect? If there are  some devices you don’t recognize, change your security settings and passwords. Don’t forget about your printers,  many of which can connect to your network and are Wi-Fi enabled

Many key best practices are outlined in the Top 20 Critical Security Controls, managed by the Council on CyberSecurity. These Controls assist in mitigating the most prevalent vulnerabilities that often result in many of  today's cyber security intrusions and incidents. The Center for Internet Security (CIS) provides free, PDF-formatted  configuration guides (Benchmarks) that can be used to implement the Controls and improve cyber security.

Securely Configure Your Systems and Devices 
The “out-of-the-box” configurations of many devices and system components are default settings that are often set for ease-of-use rather than security. This often results in vulnerabilities that offer easy targets for hackers to exploit, often using automated programs that scan for holes. To mitigate risk, systems and devices should be configured according to industry-accepted system hardening standards.

Secure Your Browser and Browser Add-ons 
Cyber attackers search for programming errors and other flaws in web browsers and associated plug-ins in order to exploit them. These vulnerabilities, if successfully exploited, can give cyber criminals access -- and sometimes control over -- your computer system. To minimize these risks, keep your browser(s) updated and patched, and set to auto update. In addition, keep any programs (known as plug-ins) updated and patched as well, particularly if they work with your browser (such as multi-media programs and plug-ins used to run videos, for example), block pop-up windows, as this may help prevent malicious software from being downloaded to your computer and consider disabling JavaScript, Java, and ActiveX controls when not being used. Activate these features only when necessary.

Back Up Your Data 
Be sure to back up your important data so you can retrieve it if your computer fails. Most operating systems provide backup software designed to make the process easier. External hard drives and online backup services are two popular vehicles for backing up files. Remember to back up data at regular intervals and periodically review your backups to determine if all your data has been backed up accurately.

Protect Your Administrative Accounts
Administrator or "admin" accounts give a user more control over programs and settings for a computer than a typical user account. If an intruder accesses an admin account, he could potentially take over your computer. Non-administrator accounts, or guest accounts, can limit the ability of someone gaining unauthorized access. It is important to change the default password on your admin accounts and to always log on to your computer as a non-administrator or non-admin account.

Another aspect to protecting admin accounts is to change default passwords on your devices. Many of them are published on the Internet, so be sure to change them to something unique and strong. Default passwords are especially prevalent in routers, wireless access points and other networked devices.

Use Firewalls
Many computer defaults are set for ease of use, which is convenient not only for us, but also for cyber criminals. Cyber criminals can use weak or unnecessary services as a first step to compromising your computer. Many computers and routers already come with a firewall built in to prevent malicious access to these services. It is recommended that you set the firewall to the securest level you think is appropriate: if this is a laptop you’ll use for traveling and connecting to public networks, it is recommended that you choose the strictest level of security and only allow exceptions for services you need. You can always relax the controls if necessary.

Update Your Applications, Software and Operating Systems
Even though you may be diligent in keeping your software up-to-date, you are still at risk from malware infections. Malware can infect your computer from a variety of different vectors, including compromised websites, malicious attachments in email, and infected thumb drives. This is why strong malware defenses are crucial. Anti-virus and anti-spyware will scan your files to see if there’s any malware in the files. It may even tell you if you’re about to download a potentially malicious file. Update your anti-virus software regularly. Keeping applications, software, and operating systems patched will help keep you more secure by providing you with the most recent and secure version.

Resources:

http://www.counciloncybersecurity.org/

http://benchmarks.cisecurity.org/downloads/benchmarks/

Six Things To Practice During 2014: Addictions To The Past

We  are living in an age of re-educating ourselves.  Which is  the main reason I began this Blog.   With knowledge comes understanding, and with understanding comes healing. 

Over the next 6 weeks I will be covering Six Things To Practice During 2014.  But before going into all that, I believe it important that we come into an understanding as to why we dwell on the past.  And too, how it effects the brain and subsequently creates an addiction that leads to other outside addictive behaviors.     

Dwelling on the past is, for many, an addiction.     But unlike the other types of addictions we know about, such as drugs, alcohol, sex, gambling and so on,  our addiction to the past is still pretty much seen as a harmful past-time.  After doing some research on the matter, it is clear that Medical Science is working diligently to connect emotional dis-ease with outside physical ailments.  

Following is just a few examples.  And as with anything you find on this Blog, I ask that you take what rings true for you, and simply leave the rest!

Namaste!

*~*~*~*

My mother spent over 90% of her life dwelling on the past.   Nearly every conversation with her would be about something that happened to her years prior.  Most of the events took place long before I was even born.  And many of the people she spoke of were complete strangers to me.  But that didn't stop her from recounting specifics of situations that took place 40, 50 and 60 years ago, giving you the time, date and weather conditions!  A  I shit you not!     

Interestingly enough, whenever anyone asked my mother what she did the day before, her mind would go blank!    

Even though she could recall certain current situations, my mother would always (and I mean always) find a way to integrate past events into it!  It was if she was stuck on this damn never ending loop.  No matter how hard you would try to keep her focused on the present, she would just go right back to something that happened to her in the past.   Granted, some of the things that happened were pretty traumatic.  But she had happy times too.  Sadly, she chose to focus more on the bad than the good.   And sadder still, not only did her habitual trips to the past make her unbearable to be around, it also forced her into several psychotic break downs.  It was heartbreaking to know that her unwillingness to fully live in the present prevented her from enjoying life.   

  

Unfortunately, my mother’s nasty little habit of dwelling on the past is not some isolated anomaly.    For a vast number of people, dwelling on the past is a life-time commitment. 

Some who have studied the human condition have concluded that dwelling on the past could be signs of addiction.     

The chemicals triggered in your brain, like any substance abuse, when used for the wrong purpose and over-used, the effects can be, and are, devastating and debilitating.  In many cases, it can also create physical ailments like heart disease, and ultimately…death.

The following are a few examples of such addictions:

Emotional addiction:  needing sympathy and/or attention.  A need to feel alive.  Fear of being hurt or fear of constant danger.  And in more extreme cases, addiction to pain. 

  

Chemicals in the brain that are triggered:  Adrenaline and cortisol.   Reliving certain situations increases adrenaline.  (And yes, there are adrenaline junkies!)    Cortisol governs fear; its primary purpose is to help us avoid hurtful situations and danger.   

Emotional addiction:   can also mean the need to recapture those feelings of security, confidence, comfort and love.  

Chemicals in the brain that are triggered:  Endorphins, dopamine, Serotonin, Oxytocin

*~*~*~*~*~*

Six Signs You Suffer from an Addiction to the Past
1. You Constantly Talk About the Past and the Way Things Used to Be
2. You Resist Change
3. You Continually Fail to Plan for a Better Future
4. You Argue for the Past that Things Used to Be Better
5. You've allowed Relationships to Become Stale, Uninteresting and Without Passion
6. You have physically or mentally peaked

*~*~*~*

So why do we dwell on the past so much?  Rehashing over and over in our minds what we could have /should have said and done?   Reliving memories that are, for the most part, painful and emotionally damaging?  

We’ll cover these questions in the next article.

Sources:  

Psychology Today 

Huffington Post Healthy Living

Woof! Meow! Tweet! The Benefits Of Having Pets In Our MS Life

Article by  Christie Germans

Dog, cat, chinchilla, hamster, ferret, fish, bearded dragon, parakeet, pig, monkey – whatever your choice, pets really make us feel good, better even, as we live with chronic illness and disability. Not only can they provide physical assistance, they also warm our hearts and make living with MS a bit easier.

I am reminded of this as the winter temperatures drop and my cat, Hans, now cuddles more. (Yes, even in California, it gets cold. It dropped to the high 30’s the other night, which is cold for us, really, really cold. Brrrr!). There is nothing better than a good snuggle with Hans to warm me up. On the days I do not feel well, Hans just seems to pick up on this and cuddles with me even more, even closer. How wonderful this is as he distracts me from the pain I feel, the burning in my legs, the extreme fatigue I battle.

And, there is more to it than just the snuggles. Having pets in our lives has a wide range of benefits. They help us cope, lift us from feelings of loneliness and depression and get us outside for a bit of sunshine and exercise.

Top 7 benefits of having pets in our MS life:

1. Pets keep us company. Living with a companion animal can help ease feelings of isolation. Having a buddy by your side can make such a big difference in minimizing the feelings of loneliness. Even if the conversation is only one way…

2. Pets can help us fight depression. Taking care of pets (walking them, grooming them, petting them, playing with them) takes you out of yourself and helps you feel better. Our pets’ love is unconditional so, good day or bad, they have a lot to give us. Well, that is unless your name is Hans who, when he doesn’t get the treats he persistently begs for in the morning, may not be spreading the love quite as far.

3. Pets give us a sense of support and pleasure. Our life with MS should focus more on the good parts, not the un-fun stuff, right? Having pets makes us feel good. They’re cute and they’re sweet and they’re funny and they’re snuggly. All good stuff that makes living with MS a bit more bearable.

4. Pets get us outside when we might not otherwise. When we walk Spot, we sometimes meet others along the way, stopping for conversation, watching dogs do the funny things they do. It’s a great social outlet. Plus, there’s the added benefit of soaking some of that sun vitamin!

5. Pets calm us and relieve our anxiety. This is a big one for me as I am slightly neurotic. Hans is chill so he keeps me chill, not an easy feat. Om.

6. Pets help minimize stress levels – this is huge for us, as stress is often the culprit when our symptoms flare up.

7. Pets help us improve our physical fitness. After all, exercise is important for MSers and, taking your dog for short walks or tossing their favorite toy in the backyard, helps keep us moving. This includes basic stretching. I can’t tell you how many times Hans watches us at home, with keen interest and curiosity, as we stretch or do some yoga. Eventually, he gets right on the floor with us to do a bit of stretching himself. Kitty Yoga. Hilarious!

Our animals really enhance our lives, don’t they? And, they help us a lot during difficult times, during those painful moments with MS. Nudging their wet noses against us for a pet or cuddling with us after an injection or keeping us company while we hang out in bed battling fatigue. These pet moments make MS matter less and make life with MS a little bit easier.

How about you? Tell us about your pet and how your life is better because of your pet. I’m sure you have a story you’d love to share and we’d love to hear about the healing power of your pets.

Source:  Multiple Sclerosis Site

Smoker Numbers Edge Close To One Billion

Although smoking is becoming less popular in many parts of the world, the total number of smokers is growing, global figures reveal.

In 2012, 967 million people smoked every day compared with 721 million in 1980, data from 187 countries shows.

The rise is linked to population growth, researchers told JAMA.

With the Earth's population having more than doubled in the last 50 years to seven billion, there are simply more people to take up the habit.

Several large countries, including Bangladesh, China and Russia, have seen increasing numbers of inhabitants take up smoking in recent years, the figures show.

Indeed, some of the highest smoking rates are now seen in the developing world, according to the JAMA report from the University of Washington's Institute for Health Metrics and Evaluation (IHME) in the US.

But global smoking prevalence - the proportion of the world's population that smokes - has gone down.

Around three in 10 men (31%) and one in 20 women (6%) now smoke daily compared with four in 10 men (41%) and one in 10 women (10%) in 1980.

In terms of countries with the highest prevalence of tobacco use, East Timor tops the list with 61% of its population smoking every day.

To read the rest of the story, click HERE

Dear Alex:

You've always insisted on doing things your  way. And the results of doing it your way have always proven disastrous for not only yourself, but for everyone involved.

Contrary to what you may think or believe,  no one forced you into making the choices you'e made and continue to make.   No one has forced you into living a life of misery.  Your situation is the combination of insisting  on doing things your way (even though it never works out for you) and from the poor choices you've made and continue to make.  

With respect to Shelby.  Yes, me and the rest of this family dropped the fucking ball.  I take responsibility for my part.  And My Part Alone!      I’m not taking responsibility for anyone else’s reactions, actions, in-actions, etc. Not my job!  I’m not taking responsibility for Tara, Bobbie Lynn, Lloyd, Frankie or Betty and their individual and collective failures to take any necessary actions.    Again, not my job!

Again, for emphasis, I can, and will, only take responsibility for me!  No one Else! 

I’m not taking responsibility for you.  And I’m certainly not taking responsibility for Ashley!  

I will remind you again and again, however many times it takes, that you’re the one that brought that person into our lives.  You knew how Ashley was and is.    You know her violent tendencies. She's has, on more than one occasion,  beat your ass into the ground.  And yet you brought her around Shelby.  You had numerous options.  But you refused to take them. 

So as far as I am concerned, both you and Tara share responsibility for what occurred!      And YES!  Tara, IS  MAINLY RESPONSIBLE!  But as she has told you, has told me and has told numerous others countless times...she just could not be bothered!     So it fell on you!

At least Ashley is in jail paying for her actions!    In truth, both you and Tara belong in jail right along with Ashley!  Tara in particular and most especially.  Not just  for thinking she could just toss her mother to the curb like yesterday's trash, but for being a thief and liar. 

And you for just being a dumb ass!

And by the way,  my  conscience is clear.   I did try to get Shelby help.  It was shortly after mother died.  But guess what?   I was told to mind my own fucking business!  I was told I had no legal standing. I  was told to stand down!   So I did.  


Alex, you can sit there and feel sorry for yourself all you want. But all your self-pity isn't going to change the past.  It's not going to change anyone who doesn't want,  or choose, to change.  But most importantly,  your little hissy fits and pity parties aren't going to change the truth of what is!

FYI:  Hissy fits and pity parties do not change the Truth!

And the truth is, you've made bad choices,  you continue to make even more bad choices each day.  And you still insist on doing everything your way.  Even though it always ends badly for you and anyone involved!

You can sit there and assign blame all day long.  You can waste away the hours drudging  up the past of what was said, done, etc. But you know what Alex?  Assigning Blame does not change the Truth!

And by the way Alex.  Everyone who knows you knows the real reason you went to live with  Shelby.    You’re not fooling anyone pal!  Well maybe yourself.  But no one else!  So you can get off your high horse now!   You've lived rent free for how many years now?  Going straight from living off my mother to living off Shelby.  So give it a rest!

FYI:  Putting on a Pretense does not change the Truth!

You see Alex,  I no  longer have this desire to be a part of such dramas.   I've wasted enough time and energy as it is.       I'm too old, too tired and just plain too sick of living in a reality where it's nothing but a continuous flow of freeze dried bullshit.  But I needed to get this off my chest.  I needed to air out this booger so I could move on and away from you, this asshole family, and all of your dramas!

And too, I wanted to pass on this message.  So here's the bottom line.  

You can keep doing things your way until the cows come home; and you can keep making all the bad choices you can come up with.  I mean, after all, doing things your way, making shitty choices has worked out so wonderfully for you thus far!  Right?  


Or 

You can pull your head out of your ass and try something that actually resembles some form of sanity!

Here's a Hint:  Try making a different fucking choice and see where it takes you!    Start with pulling your enormous size head out of your ass!