Julia K Cole

I wrote the following many years ago.  Came across it today and thought you all would enjoy it.   I entitle this piece, "Reply from Santa's Work Shop."  Enjoy! Dear Julia: Thank you for contacting Santa Claus.  We appreciate all the letters and emails you have been sending us over the years. It is so heartwarming to see that people still do believe.  In response to your on-going request, please be advised that we here at the North Pole sympathize with your current challenges.    In fact,  our special task force has devoted many, many -- MANY years conducting in-depth research and numerous case studies on this very situation.   And you will be pleased to know that our team of experts has discovered the root causes of the on-going overwhelming increasing stupidity problem.  They are as follows: malcontent and constant confusion within the religious factions and/or alleged spiritual communities; ...

I hate to be the one to defy sacred myth, but I believe he's a she. Think about it. Christmas is a big, organized, warm, fuzzy, nurturing social deal, and I have a tough time believing a guy could possibly pull it all off!  For starters, the vast majority of men don't even think about selecting gifts until Christmas Eve. It's as if they are all frozen in some kind of Ebenezerian Time Warp until 3 p.m. on Dec. 24th, when they - with amazing calm - call other errant men and plan for a last-minute shopping spree. Once at the mall, they always seem surprised to find only Ronco products, socket wrench sets, and mood rings left on the shelves. (You might think this would send them into a fit of panic and guilt, but my husband tells me it's an enormous relief because it lessens the 11th hour decision-making burden.) On this count alone, I'm convinced Santa is a woman. Surely, if he were a man, everyone in the universe would wake up Christmas morning to find a rotating musi...

Dearest Santa, When I was a child, I wasn’t allowed to openly acknowledge you.  I grew up in a home that didn’t believe in you, in Christmas or anything magical.  But I want you to know (though I feel you always did) that I believed. I believed despite what my mother told me.  And I believed in spite of what my older brothers and sisters said.  I believed.  No matter what the other children said with respect to your existence.  I believed. Though I was never allowed to say it out loud ... I Believed! After I became an adult and left home, I was finally free to express my beliefs out in the open.   I still meet with all sorts of nay sayers who shout “There is no Santa!“   But Santa … I have to tell you … no matter the opposition … there is no greater feeling than being able to say those two little words … I Believe!  And despite, and in spite of, the nay sayers -- I said it!  And I continue to say it!  I BELIEVE!...

I have had many people ask me what the ranting about the holidays is all about.  Even had one person ask me who pissed in my Wheaties.  First of all ... don't eat Wheaties ... can't afford'em!    Really sad when one of your life's ambitions is to make enough money to actually purchase a box of Wheaties ... ain't it?   And what is the deal with the high price of cereal anyways???!!!  Really crappy how expensive one box of friggin' cereal is!  oy vey!  But I'll leave that particular rant for another day!  Right now I want to address my reasons (as I have many) for expressing my distaste for those who are making it their life's work to do away with the holidays ... in particular and most especially CHRISTMAS! Join me now as we step in the Way Back machine ... turning back the dial to those days long since gone ... back to yesteryear ... back ... back ...  back ...  (I'm an old broad ... it's gonna be a long ...