How Many Times? Seventy Times Seven!

I’m on week three of doing the 70x7 exercise -- and MAN!  Does my hand hurt! 

For those unfamiliar with this little process -- it is taken from the Christian Bible.

Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, “Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother or sister who sins against me? Up to seven times?”  Jesus answered, “I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times.”  ~Matthew 18:21-22  (NIV)

I never gave this passage  much thought until I was doing research.   My search lead me to Cat Saunders’ blog page “Four Principles of Effective Apology” -- where I found her article entitled “My Favorite Forgiveness Process.”

In her article, Cat  describes how she combined ideas from two of  her mentors in regard to forgiveness, Sondra  Ray and Morrnah Simeona.

One is the Ho’Oponopono phrases:  I’m Sorry, Please Forgive me, I love you and I thank you.

The other is literally writing out 70 times each day for 7 days the following:

I forgive ________ and ________ forgives me.  (you fill in the blanks)

In order to get the full effect -- it’s advised you do both  Ho’Oponopono (speaking the Ho’Oponopono phrases)  and the writing out of the above line 70x7. 

And by the way -- for those who have challenges with their hands (carpal tunnel; arthrities, etc.),    I have discovered through experimentation, that you can say this line 70 times each day and have the same affect.   As with writing out the lines I forgive ________ and ________ forgives me.  (you fill in the blanks), you cannot skip a day.  If you’re saying it -- you have to say it each and every day for Seven (7) days straight.  If you forget -- you have to start over -- from the beginning! 

No recording it and listening to it -- you must SAY IT!

Yea!  It’s a pain in the ass!  But that’s what you get for holding to all your bullshit!

Lesson Learned:  Holding on to shit -- makes for hard work!

Before I started the 70x7 process -- I compiled a list of all the people (and some situations and events) that I knew needed releasing.   It’s a long list -- and growing I might add!  I then looked the list over and chose which ones really jumped out at me and began my journey into the 70x7 process.

Cat urges the reader that while doing the 70 x 7 sentences, pay special  attention to the rest of your life as the week progresses.  During the seven days, notice how the process actually stimulates all your stuff to rise to the surface, like scum on a pond. Whatever stands in the way of forgiveness makes itself painfully apparent. [amended]  (excerpt from Helping Handbook by Dr. Cat Saunders, Source:  http://www.drcat.org/dchh/html/forgiveness.htm )

Well, I took Cat’s advice and all I can say is … it’s a damn good thing those I’ve been releasing should be thanking the deity of their choice they weren’t anywhere near me during this ritual!

Can we say outrage -- enraged -- and flat out pissed off? I’ve lost count over the last three weeks how much I just wanted to stomp the crap out of those people.  Two to three times during the course of each  week I’d wake up in the middle of the night so angry -- I punched the stuffing out of my pillow.   I also noted how many times I would break down and start crying. 

But I kept writing.  Even as the memories of the pain and humiliation each of those people had inflicted on me rose to the surface -- trying with all their might to stop me from continuing -- I kept writing.  I was so pissed off at one point -- I actually broke the pencil!  But I grabbed another and kept on writing until I reached my 70 times for that day.

By day 4, I was a bit more centered and calm.   By day 6 -- I noticed that I actually enjoyed doing it.   And by the seventh day -- I was relieved and felt so much lighter!

I’ve also noticed that I have become much calmer, more centered and grounded.   I also feel really good about myself too!

 The beauty of reciting Ho’Oponopono so many times per day  is … you begin to do it automatically -- without even thinking about it!!!     Everywhere I go, I catch myself saying Ho’Oponopono.   And I have seen some rather startling changes all over the place too!

Now here's something I didn't count on.  The neighborhood I live in has become quieter and more calm.  I get on a bus and if there is someone arguing or being loud -- no sooner do I get the word Ho’Oponopono out of my mouth, everyone becomes  settled down.  People are nicer and friendlier now.  Everywhere I go!

The inner joy that I’ve reconnected to has become a bit of an addiction for me now.  And I LIKE IT!   Yea, I still get pissed off -- but now getting back in my center is much quicker and easier these days.  Wow!  And only after a few weeks too!  Just imagine what the next three weeks will bring! 

Namaste!

About Julia K. Cole

Julia K. Cole is a psychic medium, internet radio show host,  Certified Spiritual Consultant,  Empowerment Coach and upcoming author. 

Known as The Empress of the Known & Unknown Universes™ and The Duct Tape Diva,  Julia has made it her personal mission to put Reality back into Spirituality.   Julia sets out to assist people in expanding their conscious awareness through her rather unique and personal take on the human experience.  In the style  of Erma Bombeck, Julia utilizes her own brand of humor and down to earth demeanor to get her messages across in an all so delightful way.

Sources:

http://www.drcat.org/dchh/html/forgiveness.htm

How to Practice Ho’Oponopono
http://www.ehow.com/how_4908232_practice-hooponopono-four-simple-steps.html

How Many Times ~ White Heart
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wUZ4sPXoZCM

Consider This . . .

The person who hurt you either 

• Isn’t aware they have hurt you;
• Doesn’t care they hurt you;
• Has forgotten about the incident and moved on;
• Sleeps very well at night
• Has no issues with indigestion, headaches, back pain or any other kind of pain
• Is convinced you are in desperate need of getting a life,  getting laid or both
• Has steady relationships and a job
• Has no addictions or disorders
• Can hold a steady personal relationship/keep a job

You on the other hand …

• Can remember every detail of the incident and every syllable uttered;
• Have developed various types of ailments, joint pains, suffer from headaches, backaches,  a wide variety of  physical, mental and/or emotional health issues;
• Are angry, resentful and mistrustful;
• Either can’t sleep or sleeps way too much
• Now has an eating disorder
• Suffering from memory loss --huge chunks of your life is missing
• Has some sort of addiction (alcohol, drugs, sex, spending, gambling, food)
• Can’t hold down a job/Can’t keep a steady personal relationship
• Difficulty in focusing on anything outside the pain and suffering
• Suffers from Low self-esteem and self-worth

While these may not apply to every individual reading this -- I am willing to wager most of it does ring some bells!

So considering all the above -- seeing it in black and white -- do you still believe you are really making “they” -- “them” -- “that person” suffer by holding on to your pain?  You think/believe that you are exacting revenge by living your life in misery?

They -- who/whom ever “they” are -- are not suffering from what happened.  They’re free!  You on the other hand--  are in a prison of your own making! YOU are the one suffering -- not them!   You are the one punishing you!

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

• Forgiveness is not the condoning of the actions that initiated the pain and suffering you experienced. 
• Forgiveness is not forgetting anything that transpired -- but reaching a state of mind where you can see those actions from an objective view point without any adverse reactions.

• Forgiveness is the refusal to carry the pain and suffering those actions initiated. 
• Forgiveness is the release of the pain and suffering you have carried throughout your human experience.

It is painfully obvious that the majority of people do not know the difference between forgetting and releasing.    No doubt this is perhaps one of the main reasons people are so skittish when it comes to forgiving.

Forgive and Forget?

Many have been taught that in order to reach a true state of forgiveness -- one must totally forget everything that happened to them.  This is a gross misconception that has been passed down by those who didn’t know any better.

To  “forgive and forget” means  to -- release that pain from your being!  Release yourself and be free!  Forget all about holding on to all that suffering -- holding all that pain!   

It does NOT mean forget the incident  itself!  Again, the forgetting portion of "Forgive & Forget is  --  forget all that clinging -- forget all that grasping -- forget  all that holding on -- to that which no longer serves you!   Forget that which no longer serves you and remember only what you have learned from the event(s).  Release the pain and be Free!

This is the true meaning behind the phrase “forgive and forget.”

*~*~*~*~*~*

Interesting thing about human experiencers -- they hold on to their pain and suffering as though it were a matter of life and death.  They justify clinging to their pain and suffering by relieving the incidents that transpired.  Caught up in their fears -- they can’t see what they have learned from any of the situations.    They can’t see past those incidents.  They refuse to let them go for whatever reason.  During the course of their human journey, they will go as far as reinventing the situation over and over again in their day to day life.

So and so did this or that-- said this or that.  They hurt me.  They should be made to pay for this, that or the other thing.   I’m a victim!  I’m in pain!  I can’t let go because they hurt me!

I can’t let go because they hurt me! 

I have to remember what they did so they will pay for it!  So they will see my suffering and they will be sorry!  

I’m sick!  I have this or that pain!  I have this or that disease.  All  because because they hurt me!  I’m making them pay with my physical, emotional and mental pain!  I can’t let go yet -- it doesn’t matter if I can’t sleep or sleep too much.  It doesn’t matter if I eat too much or can’t eat or keep anything down!  I have to do this because they hurt me!

They are going to pay for my suffering!  I won’t let it go until they pay for hurting me!  Even if it cost me my happiness -- and my life-- they are going to pay -- because they hurt me!

While a bit dramatic -- the above statements are more true than many of you reading this realize or even admit.

“I can’t! (or “I won’t)  Because they hurt me!”   Each and every time I bring up forgiveness -- 9 times out of 10 -- I will get this particular reply.  Sadly, I hear it a lot!    Sadder still -- each of these people who refuse to forgive suffer from a number of physical, emotional and mental maladies.   To add insult to injury -- the majority of them can’t keep a steady personal relationship.   And while many of them will admit they are holding grudges (i.e. their pain and suffering) -- they refuse to forgive!

For those of you who can’t and/or won’t forgive -- because “they” hurt you  … I urge you once again to Consider This ...

The person who hurt you either 

• Isn’t aware they have hurt you;
• Doesn’t care they hurt you;
• Has forgotten about the incident and moved on;
• Sleeps very well at night
• Has no issues with indigestion, headaches, back pain or any other kind of pain
• Is convinced you are in desperate need of getting a life or getting laid or both
• Has steady relationships and a job
• Has no addictions or disorders
• Can hold a steady personal relationship/keep a job

You on the other hand …

• Can remember every detail of the incident and every syllable uttered;
• Have developed various types of ailments, joint pains, suffer from headaches, backaches,  a wide variety of  physical, mental and/or emotional health issues;
• Are angry, resentful and mistrustful;
• Either can’t sleep or sleeps way too much
• Now has an eating disorder
• Suffering from memory loss --huge chunks of your life is missing
• Has some sort of addiction (alcohol, drugs, sex, spending, gambling, food)
• Can’t hold down a job/Can’t keep a steady personal relationship
• Difficulty in focusing on anything outside the pain and suffering
• Suffers from Low self-esteem and self-worth

Aren’t you tired?  Don’t you think it’s time you paroled yourself from this living hell?

*~*~*~*~*

Release yourself.  Not by forgetting what happened to you -- but  by refusing to carry that pain and suffering inflicted on you.  Release yourself by remembering the lessons these incidents brought to you.  Take that and start living your life in freedom!

It is said … the best revenge is Living Well!     Nothing pisses that "other person" off more -- than seeing you living happy and well!  And seeing how most of us are attempting to make that "other person" pay for the pain and suffering they inflicted -- well why not try something different?  Why not try living well -- and stop living in Hell!?

As long as you insist on the “I can’t let go because they hurt me!” mindset -- you will never be free!  You will continue to be their victim -- their slave-- their prisoner!

Your choice!  After all -- it is your life … or is it? 

I will leave you with the question posed to me by my spirit companion Antari …

“What is more important to you?  Your pain and suffering or your peace and joy?”

Namaste!

About Julia K. Cole

Known as The Empress of the Known & Unknown Universes™ and The Duct Tape Diva,  Julia has made it her personal mission to put Reality back into Spirituality.   Julia sets out to assist people in expanding their conscious awareness through her rather unique and personal take on the human experience.  In the style  of Erma Bombeck, Julia utilizes her own brand of humor and down to earth demeanor to get her messages across in an all so delightful way.


 

Visit Julia on Face Book!  

Instead

Woo-hoo! My first blog of 2011!
As I waded through the multitude of posts here on Face Book, I noticed something interesting.  There appeared to be a common theme with respect to resolutions -- very interesting!  To say the least!  The common thread was (and I have paraphrased here)...

Instead of wasting all your time and energy on those who are hell-bent on tearing you down, on those who are only interested in what they can get out of you, on those who spread, and continue to to spread,  their vile negativity at every turn --  Focus only on those who care about you and you them. 

My "New Year's Eve party" this year  was sitting here in my office, working on my blogs and articles as I listened  to Delilah on the radio.  As the show progressed, Delilah urged her listeners to resolve to  let go of those who bring us down and make every effort to keep us there.  To leave those people who refuse to help make the world a better place behind in the old year. 

I found that message very in sync.  In fact, I took it as a sign. I had been mulling over what theme I would use to kick off my new year blogs and notes.  And my ever faithful friend and co-creator The Universe  once again came through for me! 

Instead of rehashing the same old dramas -- let them go!  I know you get tired of being the "bigger person"  and being the one that takes the "higher road" -- but what are you really attempting to prove by engaging people who have nothing better to do than bring others down and keep them there?  What are you really trying to prove by engaging them in their stupidity?  Seriously ... what are you trying to prove in this regard? That you can be the bigger dumb ass?

State your case, present your evidence and then just LET IT GO! 

It is a proven fact -- people will believe what they want to believe -- NO MATTER WHAT!  No matter the amount of evidence, no matter what you say or do -- they will choose to believe what they want to believe!  

So just let it GO! Stop wasting so much time and energy on people who choose to believe the worst about you.  They don't matter!  So do yourself a favor and STOP wasting your precious time and energy on people who  truly don't matter!
 
Instead of seeing everything and everybody who disagrees with you as negative ... see from their point of view!  You may actually learn something!

Believe it or not ... Everything and everyone that you either disagree with and/or feel uncomfortable around or just don't plain understand  is NOT "negative." 

Sadly, seeing the negative in everything and everybody that stirs a hint of discomfort  or anything or anybody they don't agree with  seems to be a running theme within the so called "spiritual"  and paranormal communities.    My advice to each of these communities:   Get some knowledge, Get some understanding and take some classes on LISTENING!

Instead of following behind this one or that one ... why not try walking side by side?  You'll find the view a lot better!

Instead of asking why -- try asking ... Why Not?  Instead of asking "Why Me?"  Try asking Why not me? 

Whether or not you choose to accept the understanding that YOU are here for many reasons ... the fact of the matter is ... You are!  And this isn't some hoity toity metaphysical mumbo jumbo speak either.  If you are a Christian, Master Teacher Jesus taught this very thing.  The lesson of the Sparrow is something I urge you to revisit.   For all others from different religious teachings ... I am willing to wager your master teachers taught the same thing in various ways.  I urge you to revisit these teachings as well.

Instead of asking "What is my purpose here?"  Take a good look at what you are doing now.  Weigh it against what makes your heart soar!  What makes time non-existent.  Are you doing what makes your heart soar?  Is time non-existent when you are involved in this work?  If it does -- then you have found one of many purposes of your being here.  If it does not -- then why aren't you doing what makes your heart soar?  What are you waiting on?

Instead of rushing around every day, take five minutes to do something for yourself.  Five minutes is all that is being asked.  Don't wait until your body makes that decision for you.

Instead of trying to be the person someone else wants you to be or live the life someone else wants you to live -- Just Be Your Self!  Live your life in such a way that brings you joy.

Oscar Wilde said it best!  "Be yourself!  Everybody else is taken!"

Instead of asking ... "why don't I have anybody to love?"  Ask ...  "who can I love today?"  HINT:  the one that needs your love the most can be found waiting in your bathroom mirror!

With the multitudes of elderly, children and animals-- military folks without family, people in the hospital and folks in prisons and jails, homeless people, etc. who are without someone -- you might want to consider taking time each week showing love to them!  You will be amazed how you will transform and even more amazed how your entire world transforms!

There are endless amount of "Insteads" just waiting for you.   These are just a few to get you started in this New Year!





About Julia


Known as The Empress of the Known & Unknown Universes™ and The Diva of Duct Tape,  Julia has made it her personal mission to put Reality back into Spirituality.   Julia sets out to assist people in expanding their conscious awareness through her rather unique and personal take on the human experience.  In the style  of Erma Bombeck, Julia utilizes her own brand of humor and down to earth demeanor to get her messages across in an all so delightful way.

Happy New Year! Welcome 2011!

Thank you for allowing me to be a part of your journey!  I joyfully look forward to our continued adventures!

Namaste Beloveds!

In keeping with tradition -- I am sharing with you all my New Year sig tag creations!

Final Thoughts on 2010: Part IV -- Letting Go

2011 is only a few hours away now.  As I sit here writing this note-- my final one for 2010-- my mind is racing. 

As in times past, I have said good-bye --and in some instances good riddance-- to many people.     It's to be expected.  All a Part of our  life's journey.   2010 is no exception.  But unlike years past, the people I let go in 2010 -- I don't miss. 

Could be I've just grown tired of them running in and out of my life willy nilly.  Could be that I just out grown their foolishness and childishness.  And it could be that I didn't like them to begin with and it finally dawned on me to kick their sorry asses to the curb and leave them there!.  Could be a combination of all the above.  hmmmm... could be!

I will give them all kudos for bringing into my life --clarity and perspective.  And I am truly grateful for that.  However, it is interesting to experience this sensation of not missing anyone.  I don't feel it very often, and when I do ... I like to enjoy it!

It is quite amusing though ... how each of us will drag the same tired annoying people back into our lives time and time and time again ... only to have to kick them back out on the curb over and over ... and over again.   

Stubborn and hard headed bunch ... aren't we? 

But 2010 stepped in and pretty much gave us an ultimatum ... let them go now or you'll find yourself stuck with them until death do you part!  oy!  If that doesn't send shivers up and down your spines -- don't know what will!   Or maybe that was just me?   

Most of the people I let go -- are the ones I had let go in years past.  And for whatever reason, I invited them back in only to have to show them the "door" once again.   Sitting here, I remember hearing this little voice say to myself -- "they'll be back!"   In 2010 ... I didn't hear that voice.    What a relief!

But I will admit ... there is a part of me that is scared to death of letting go.   Not that I have a choice!  Letting go is something I find myself doing  all the damn time!  Whether or not I want to -- whether or not I like it!  Besides ... I've seen what The Universe can do if I hold on for too long.  Yikes! 

It all feels so different this time around though.  yea, I'm still a little jittery about the whole letting go process.  But --at the same time -- I'm a little excited! 

Many years ago, I wrote an article about letting go.  (the link to that note can be found here: http://www.facebook.com/notes.php?id=649552801&notes_tab=app_2347471856#!/note.php?note_id=346121348855)

In the past few days, I have found myself going back to read and re-read it.    I guess I just needed that little extra boost to get me moving -- that little reminder if you will -- to help me make that final leap forward!  I mean, it's not like I'm going to let go without a fight -- right?  *LOL*

This year though, the need -- the urge -- to fight to keep the old crap is not there anymore.  In the last six months alone... I have cleaned out every closet and cabinet --thrown out several truck loads of stuff that I don't need, forgot I had or just don't want any more.    It felt good!  It felt so much cleaner and lighter -- on every level!   I had forgotten what it felt like to have less stuff laying around.  I had forgotten what it was like to open my closet and not get a concussion!  *ROFL*  Feels damn good -- that's for sure!  Well ... mentally & emotionally it felt great.  My body, on the other had ... not so much!!   oy vey!  After all that cleaning and clearing ... I was hurting in places I didn't even know existed!  But still ... I felt so happy!  And cleaner! 

The people I removed from my life -- gave me the same feelings.  Yea -- got that same sensation of it hurting in places I didn't know was there.  But at the same time ... I felt great, I felt relieved ... I felt lighter -- cleaner -- Happier!  Relieved even! 

Saying good-bye is never easy.  No one said it would be.  Some times it hurts like a bitch!  But in the end, we are happier, healthier and cleaner for it. 

The paths we set out for ourselves are not the easiest to travel.  But as much as we moan, groan and bitch about it being so hard --in secret, way deep down inside -- we wouldn't have it any other way!  Because we know on a soul level -- if it were easy -- there would be no point in trying!  All the "fun" in doing it would be gone.  And most importantly, we wouldn't have anything to bitch about -- and where would the fun in THAT be?  Seriously!!!!???  *LOLOLOL*

All kidding aside ... we have faced our fears, we have learned from them, grown from them and have become better and stronger for it.  We have learned what not to do and how not to be!  So in the end my friends ... it was all worth it!  Wouldn't you agree?  

The time has come now for me to "let go" of 2010.  I wish to thank you for being there for me!  Thank you for all the laughter, for all the tears.  For all the joy and pain.  I'm sure there will be more to come in this brand new year!

I leave you with this piece of advice that was given me over 40 years ago.  Something my grandmother shared with me.  And now ... I share it with all of you.

"After all that has been said and done, love is all that matters.  When you remember the hardships, the pain and the hurt, remember that after all that has been said and done to you -- Love is all that matters!  When you remember the joy, the laughter and the wonderful friendships and relationships that have come and gone in your life, please daughter remember that in the end ... Love is all that matters!  No matter what comes or goes, please promise me that you will always remember ...  Love -- is all that matters!  Love is all that ever truly mattered!" ~ Virginia Lane Moore

From me and my family ... to you and yours ...

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

My Thoughts on 2010: Part III -- Perspective

This note, has by far, been the hardest to write.  I really wanted to write something more whimsical, more aligned and upbeat.  But spirit has pushed me into pouring out my heart -- and I have come to trust they know it is needed -- more than I do.

For me, 2010 was also a time for reunions and re-connections of past relationships.  I reconnected with some old school friends and, with my estranged mother. 

The following is excerpts from The ZEN of Duct tape: An Empress is Born!

The reconnection with my old school mates was brief -- like ships passing in the night.  It was wonderful to see them again.  And it was nice remembering our childhood adventures together.  This  did help me to remember where I came from, and too, showed me how very far I had  come.

The reunion with my mother, however, was and continues to be, a real challenge.  She and I never had a good relationship.  I wasn't the daughter she wanted and she let me know it on a regular on-going  basis.  I was made the leper of the family -- my siblings, and other family members, followed my mother's good "Christian" example and treated me accordingly.  I was the outsider.  A non-family member-- member, if you will.  A fact I accepted long ago.

The last conversation I had had with my mother,  before our reunion,  was this past spring.  I had asked to borrow money to cover a utility bill that was more than I could pay.  I was told no, she couldn't loan me anything because I wasn't serving her god.  But then I  later found out she had given other family members larger amounts than I had asked to borrow.  Family members whose deities are crack pipes, race horses and a bottle of Jack Daniels.  Typical.   But ... that's the way it's always been.  Actually, it was nice to see that nothing had changed.   (sarcasm alert).

Being an outsider, you aren't privy to certain information.  I was not made aware of mother's time in a nursing home nor was I told of her rapidly diminishing health.  I wasn't told of the other things either ... not while they were occurring that is.  In fact, I didn't know anything until September 30th of this year.    To make a rather long story short -- when I was finally told what was going on -- I went into shock.

As a child, you never believe your parents can get sick.  As a child, one of your greatest fears is losing your parents.  Being an adult doesn't change any of that.  Seeing my mother bed fast, blind and helpless has been the hardest thing to deal with.  But not as hard as having to deal with the stuck on stupid assholes I call my relatives!

Since that day in September, I have been grappling with a number of things.   I am caught between three  warring factions inside of me.  A part of me wants to  kick the ass of every last person in this family.  In all seriousness,that particular part of me just wants to beat them into a greasy spot!  Then there is that other part of me that just wants to pity them, put my arms around them and tell them it's alright.  And then there is that one wee part of me that just wants to pity ME!

But something inside of me screams out ... It doesn't matter!   Even as  I stand next to my mother's bed, looking down at  the woman whose last real lucid words to me was ... I'm so ashamed of you !  You're not my daughter! ... that voice from somewhere deep down inside screams out at me drowning the ghostly voices of the past ... screeching in my ears... It does NOT matter! 

Even as she is asking me, "Who are you?" again for the tenth time ... the voice inside of my head is screaming those four words -- It does NOT matter!!

Mother's health and mental faculties have depleted, and are rapidly fading away with each passing day now.  She worked so hard to forget me throughout these last 50 years -- and now she has accomplished what she set out.  In her current state, she doesn't know who I am.   She only knows I am the person who comes to visit, who comes to sit by her bed to feed her and give her something to drink, the person who holds her hand and calls her sweetie and honey.  She thinks I'm precious for taking time out to do all that.  She told me how she wished her children would be more like me. 

Mother remembers all their names -- even the names of my own children and dead husband.  But she doesn't remember my name nor does she remember who I am.  She only knows I am some nice lady who shows her kindness and compassion.  She only knows I am nothing like her children!

Throughout all that -- the voice inside me screams ... It doesn't matter!

When the social worker came to check on mother, she didn't know who I was.  She didn't know Mrs. Cole had another daughter -- she only knew of the three other daughters,  the two sons and the grandsons who lived with mother (my two kids).   On her little list, there was only seven names listed--mother's other five children.  And of course,  the two grandsons  (both my sons) that lived with her, taking care of her the best they can.  No one, not even my own children, bothered to tell the worker, the nurses or doctor that I even existed.   When I told the worker who I was,   I suppose it was out of habit or some weird reflex that she asked ... Are you sure?   I know she didn't ask that question to hurt me.  And I had to laugh.  Poor thing didn't know she had just participated in a long running joke!  *LOL*

Growing up, I related to the little Whos in Dr. Suess' immortal classic, Horton Hears A Who.  I often found myself screaming -- I am here! I am HERE!!  These past few months brought all those memories back.  I was once again screaming, I am here!  I am HERE! 

Have to be honest, I was seriously considering  looking to see how much an elephant costs!  *LOL* 

On the bright side -- During these last few months, I have gained so much clarity ... so much  perspective.  All the heartache I had endured during my life time, all the humiliations and the agony of not being wanted, not being accepted, not being seen or heard,   melted into nothingness as I stood by my mother's bed. 

It didn't occur to me until this morning, as I began writing this that my mother's gift to me was ... "It doesn't matter!"

Her not remembering my name or who I was -- was a gift!  It was her way of telling me--showing me ... that all that transpired in the past was for my personal benefit!  It made me stronger!   Mother, in her own special way, worked so damn hard to get me to accept ME.  To hear myself when that little voice from within spoke out. And at long last ... she has succeeded! 

Her telling me how she wished her children were like me -- allowed me to see how very different I truly was from all of them.   She taught me it really didn't matter what was said or thought about me.  Especially, and in particularly what they had to say about me.

The lesson was driven home -- HARD!  It was true!  What my other family members (or anyone else for that matter) have to say or think about me -- doesn't matter!  Truthfully, it never really did. 

It occurs to me the real reason for all their bitterness, hatefulness and anger.  It  Could be  they know their opinions of me really doesn't matter -- their cruelty isn't important to me.   I mean, it has to be annoying to know they have little to no importance in my life.  From their attitudes -- it does annoy them to some degree.   It could be because they know I am not impressed by their aloofness,  their exclusive cliques, their ability to stay stuck.  They look so tired and worn out from working so hard to impress someone who doesn't care.    It could be too, that what bothers them the most is ...  That no matter what ... I love them ... and I forgive them.   And that perhaps could be the final nail in their pathetic coffins they call their life.   To know they are loved when they feel so deeply they don't deserve it.  

Could be a combination of all these things.  hmmmmm ... could be!     GADS!  No wonder they are so mean and nasty!   So happy that I am NOT like them!  yea!!!

Again, clarity has taught me that the past served it's purpose -- it created the person I am today!  

All in all ... not too bad!  No!  Not too bad at all! 

Being an outsider -- not being a part of that family -- didn't matter.  And it doesn't matter!   I truly didn't belong-- and don't belong!   I never did.  I was and still am ...  so obviously not one of them. THANK THE POWERS THAT BE!  

And the kicker ...  mother knew that all along!  Even in her now demented and debilitating state ... she knows.  She knows I am not one of them! And she knew all along ... I never was!

WOW!  Talk about a swift change in perspective there!

Oh yea!  My perspective has changed dramatically now.   My good ole friend Clarity saw to that!  With a little help from my mother,my family and a few selected acquaintances ... of course! 

I don't feel so much like a WHO now.  So I guess I won't be needing that elephant after all.

*~*~*~*~*

My Thoughts on 2010: Part II -- Clarity

Our human experience has been, and continues to be, filled with all sorts of life changing moments.  Good, bad or indifferent--these life changing moments bring us ... Clarity!

Clarity is not always welcomed in our lives.  Especially, and in particularly, when it comes through events that are less than pleasant.    As human experiencers, we have clarity coming to us in  a wide variety of ways.  Some good.  Some bad.  Some downright humiliating.  Some even debilitating!

But no matter how it comes to us,  no matter  form it chooses to take, rest assured -- when clarity comes -- you will  find yourself in a whole different state of thought and being. 

When clarity comes,  we feel that shift -- a literal and physical sensation -- that pulls our consciousness into a whole new awareness.  It is in that moment, we see things so clearly.  It is in that moment where everything and everybody appears so very different.  It is in that moment ... we actually (and literally) see what wasn't there before!  In truth,in that moment,  we see what was there all along!  But could not see ... or for some--refuse to see ... for one reason or another.

When clarity comes to us, realization hits and we find ourselves in a whole new experience.   Sadly, for many, this experience brings regret and sorrow.   As in the case of losing a loved one.

Clarity lays out the choices we always knew we had -- but never bothered to take advantage of.

Clarity knows no boundaries nor does it have any emotional ties to what is going on.  It doesn't care either way what you are going through -- it comes to do it's job and then departs ... leaving you with what you needed at that given time.

Clarity appears and brings with it a whole new perspective on so many things.   If we allow it, it will guide us  directly into a more expanded and higher awareness.  Through all the pain, all the anguish, and yes, even through all the yearning for that one last moment to set things right, to have that one last moment to say good-bye ... and I Love You.  Clarity is there waiting -- to show you the other choice!

Happy Are Those Who Live Without Regret!

Some of you may remember the show,  Crossing Over with John Edward.  At the end of every show, John would urge his audience to communicate, appreciate and validate those in their lives each and every day.  He encouraged us to do this in order to live our lives without regret -- and too,  so we would not have to seek out the services of mediums such as himself.

Very Wise indeed!

This admonishment brought me clarity -- so I decided to take it even further.  Not only do I practice this with those I love, but I also express it to those I dislike, loathe and just can't stand! And trust me ... I have a very long list of those people!

Communicate, Appreciate and Validate -- CVA for short.   I urge everyone to CVA everyone in their lives Each and Every day.   And I do mean everyone!

 The act of forgiveness is not the condoning of any action -- but the refusal to carry the pain that action prompted into motion!  ~ Antari

Forgiveness is a beautiful art form in motion -- rare and ingenious.  Very few have mastered it.  Each person--for whatever reason --  has chosen to hold on to the pain -- as if it were a matter of life or death.  In punishing ourselves, we have collectively convinced ourselves that we are somehow, in some way, punishing the "guilty party."  Clarity steps in and shows us the bigger picture.  Clarity shows us  how very silly -- if not comical --that particular belief truly is.

Letting go is a process that must be consciously practice.  Sadly, in the age of "instant gratification" ... people have grown lazy.  They have found it easier to just hold on to the hurt.  They found it easier to bitch and moan about "it" rather than  letting it go.

I spoke to a woman today who flat out refuse to let go.  She actually told me, and I quote ... "I rather feel the pain than nothing at all!" unquote.

In my line of work, I have come across numerous individuals with that exact same mind set.  They are miserable.  But yet, they don't want to do anything about it -- but bitch!   Many of them are looking for a "magical cure" that will bring them happiness.  Sorry folks!  Don't work that way!  Never did!  A little something Clarity taught me!

When you consciously work to forgive -- to let go -- communicating your appreciation and validation to all those who have come in your life -- Clarity is there with its faithful companions ... peace, contentment, joy and wisdom.

When Clarity comes, it is showing you the choices you have right there in front of you.  Good, Bad or Indifferent.

Choosing to forgive, strengthens your clarity.  

Choosing to communicate your appreciation and validating those (all of those) in your life, strengthens your clarity.

Choosing to let go, strengthens your clarity.

Clarity brings about a peace that no one can take away.  Clarity brings you the strength to stand in your own power.

Clarity makes you a great mountain -- unmovable, resilient, tall and strong.   Like that  literal mountain ... you stand there in your peaceful  knowing-ness as the winds blow and howl all around.   And like that literal mountain, you too will continue to stand strong -- and never bend to those angry winds.  Knowing that no matter how strong that wind is  or becomes... you will never bow to them!

Clarity ... yea it's all that and a bag  of chips!